adventures with the mayor

So I've spent approximately ten hours at the golf course this weekend for the 36-hour putt-a-thon to make money for the golf team they're starting at school (note: other students and faculty put in a LOT more time than I did...). It was actually a lot of fun, I mean, I got to hang out with a bunch of the kids and other faculty, and there was food. Good times. Plus they raised a lot of money. There was a lot happening at the golf course, a big golf outing and such...so there were a lot of people around. They also had a big ceremony yesterdayto rename the golf course after the late mayor.

This meant that the actual mayor also showed up, causing quite a stir amongst the 9th grade girls ("The mayor is here!!"). We were hanging out under our tent next to the putting green, selling pop and snacks to whomever was willing to give us a donation. By "we" I mean myself, three of the ninth grade girls, and Emily (the Spanish teacher), which means that our average age appeared to be 18. Despite this fact, the mayor came over to us and asked us if we had something that he was supposed to read for the ceremony. I think that our blank looks answered his question...I hope he realized that it was a little silly to ask us that...other than the tent and the sign proclaiming what school we were from, did we really LOOK like we were in charge?

I joked that he was really coming over because he wanted to talk to me and one of the girls thought I was serious! Then I asked if he was married and none of them knew, so I looked over at him and was like,
"Oh, his hands are in his pockets."
9th grade girl: "What does that mean!?!?!?"
me: "It means I can't tell if he's wearing a wedding ring or not."

Following that, he came over and used the top of the garbage can as a table to write something (his speech?? I hope not...), putting his back to us. I dared Emily to grab his butt, and without missing a beat she turned and walked towards him and picked up the folding chair that was also leaning against the garbage can, successfully grazing his hip with her hand in the process. Awesome.

Raise your hand if it's Sunday evening and you don't know what you're teaching this coming week...hmmm...

IF....

If I announce the homework to your class multiple times and write it on the board, and if most of your classmates have it done, DO NOT tell me

"I didn't know about it."

OR

"You never told me."

Or I might have to slap you upside the head.

Good news...

No MRSA. Whew.

Though that news came after I had the juniors in class, and with two of their classmates on the "contaminated" list (and thus at the Health Department getting tested), they all wanted to wear latex gloves and try to figure out who had last touched whom and when. I stopped them when they tried to tape their sleeves to their gloves, and I tried to explain why the gloves weren't really going to help anything...but I think they were determined to worry about it. Which meant I spent a good part of the period on WebMD explaining MRSA to them. This also resulted in the following conversation:

Master of the 3rd Dimension: What is MRSA?
Me: It's a staph infection that's very resistant to antibiotics.
Drama Queen: What?? You have it too?!?
Me: No...staph is short for staphylococcus. It's a type of bacteria.
Drama Queen: Ooooohh, I thought you meant you all had it!

Raise your hand if you love homonyms!

Have you heard of...?

Things you DON'T want to hear when you walk into the teacher's lounge...a conversation between the Athletic Director and the Counselor:

"Have you heard of MRSA?"

Apparently we currently have five candidates...thus we just Lysoled the heck out of the science room. It is a little hard to breathe in here, so once I take my own antibacterial shower, I think I am going to escape...

Question of the day...

Flava Flav was taking a make up quiz for me this evening (in a room alone with me...it involved a lot of him talking to himself, and to me). Here's one comment:

"'Which one is the independent variable? How do you know?' What do you mean, 'How do you know?' I know because God told me."

I'm sorry, citing divine inspiration on your science quiz will not give you credit for the question.

I know, I'm mean and irrational...

A few more...

#249
Waiting in line to go into worship and watching one of the freshman boys help an eighth grader tie his tie. Adorable.

#250
Getting my arms pinned to my sides while talking to a coworker in the hallway...because FS came up behind me, gave me a hug and wouldn't let go.

:)

Reason number 248 why I love my job...

I drove to school this morning for a number of reasons that I won't bore you with.
When I got in my car, the clock said 7:28.
I hit both red lights on the way there.
I pulled into the parking lot at 7:31.

Beautiful.

more misunderstandings...and other notes

In looking at the stories I have from this past week, I am realizing that most are at least slightly inappropriate. Hah. Enjoy :)

First, chemistry class, where they are testing different types of pop and candy to see if they can replicate the Diet Coke-Mentos effect. This can be a little messy, but with the combined power of some sweet red dish bins that I bought at Wal-Mart for $1.47 each, some towels, sponges and a bucket of water, in the end, all is well. Friday I turned around in time to see Mr. Arrogance standing there holding a 250 mL graduated cylinder almost completely filled with Mountain Dew.
me: Wow. That looks like...
Mr. A: Piss.

Yep, pretty much that's what I was thinking, but I wasn't going to say it. At least, I wasn't going to use that term...

Our tech director was also in and out of the room while the kids were doing these experiments, purportedly fixing the computer (I've been ready to throw the thing out of the window for the past two weeks. The internet will work for about half an hour before the network connection taps out, requiring a re-boot, which takes at least 5 minutes), but also sticking around to watch the experiments. On one of his passes through the room he proclaimed: "My shoes are sticky. That means science is happening!"

Which is what we are all about in room 114.

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Remember my Favorite Student? Of course you do. I was sadly not present for the following interaction with his current science teacher, but I feel the need to relate it anyway, because it made me laugh. A lot. And reminded me of an incident that occurred in January of this year (check out the archives if you don't remember...).
Anyway, the Earth Science kids are talking about organisms, which led to the following exchange.

FS: Orgasm! Isn't that a disease??
teacher: Nooo...an organism is a living thing.
FS: Oh. Well then what's an orgasm?

This is why you should pay attention in health class.
I think she told him he needed to ask the counselor that question...

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I had a student ask me a similarly awkward question this past week, well, actually it wasn't as awkward as I thought because at first I misheard him (for the record: the student sitting next to him ALSO misheard). These are the juniors, most of whom I haven't named for you yet. Let's see...most of the 11th grade boys have gas problems and aren't afraid to discuss them. So let's call him Mr. Gas-Ex, because that's what he needs. The student next to him will be "Master of the 3rd Dimension" (this was his response to the question: "who do you want me to tell if you do something particularly well?")

Note before I begin story: if you are a young, single teacher and you are seen talking to any other young teacher of the opposite sex, students automatically assume you like each other. Just FYI.

So I'm standing in front of Mr. GasEx with a bottle of Diet Coke, talking about how a gas can be dissolved in a liquid. As I paused in my explanation, he looked up and I heard him say:
"Did you and Mr. Otherteacher mate?"

Master of the 3rd Dimension and I both looked at him, stunned, until I finally laughed incredulously and told him that I couldn't believe he'd asked me that and that it was an inappropriate question. I walked down the aisle still shaking my head in disbelief. This of course prompted clamor in the rest of the class,
"What did you say??"

Mr. GE looked confused..."I just asked if they dated..."

OOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOOoohhhhhhhhh.

Then he looked at me, "What did you think I said?"

Then I had to wear the awkward hat AND the awkward glasses as Master 3D explained what we had heard. But it was still pretty hilarious in the end.

Oh boy.

And tomorrow morning marks the beginning of week 3.
Have I mentioned how much I love my job? :)

Diet Coke, Mentos, and misunderstandings...

Overheard, one tenth grade girl to another:
"I'm just a dumb blonde trapped in a mixed girl's body."
:)

So I wore my glasses to school yesterday for the first time in awhile, which meant that I got a lot of comments about my "new" (5 year old?) glasses. This one was from one of the eighth grade boys,
"Ms Book, can I ask you a favor?"
"Sure"
"Can you take your glasses off? They make you look old."

two thoughts:
a) Contrary to popular belief, I am not here for your viewing pleasure.
b) This means I looked all of what, 25? Considering that I usually look about 19...


We're starting a unit on experimental design in chemistry, which means that we've been doing some Diet Coke and Mentos experiments. This, of course, draws quite a bit of interest, so I like to let the faculty know when it's happening so that they can watch. Thus, I sent out another email today (the first was last week, today we did it in another class). Today's email dialogue went something like this:

Me:

More Diet Coke and Mentos today…probably halfway through 5^th period J

Kammy (in the teacher's lounge, to me, after receiving the email I sent):
"What is this Diet Coke and Mentos thing? I don't like Diet Coke or Mentos."

Me:
"Are you serious???? You don't know???"

next email:
"clarification"

Because Kammy told me she didn’t care b/c she doesn’t like Diet Coke or Mentos…

I meant we are exploding things in the parking lot if you want to watch.

A few minutes later Rev. Tom walked into the teacher's lounge.

"I'm just wondering...What is a 'Mentos'?"

Next email:
Well gee, I didn’t think this was mysterious, but when Tom had to ask “What is a Mentos?” I thought maybe I should send the link as well…

See the video of what happens when you put Mentos in Diet Coke here:

http://www.eepybird.com/dcm1.html

+ =

I received a response almost immediately from the "Academic Team Leader"/Math teacher:

I don't mean to bother you, but what is diet coke?

Heheheh...it was a fun day.

So I don't teach English, nor do I teach history...this story came from another teacher... The assignment was to use the word "autonomy" in a sentence. One tenth grade girl volunteered her answer:
"The United States gained autonomy from--what? France?"
Teacher: Noooo...
Girl: What was that? The Civil War?
Teacher: *shakes head*
Girl: No? World War Civil?
Teacher: *puts head down*
Girl: OOOOH! The war of independence!


I am excited because I get to teach a few math labs this year, which means that I still get to hang out with the (now) 9th graders...which means more time with FS :) He still talks a lot...often to himself because his classmates are sick of listening. He is also still short, maybe he's grown a little...we'll give him a generous 4'8". The other day I overheard him, "I wish I was tall. I swear, if I was five foot, I would be the man!"
I guess you have to start somewhere....:)

And I keep getting distracted by the hilarity that is "Beauty and the Geek." So that's all I can remember for now, I need to go focus on the television :)

Further unraveling of the mystery of Ms Book's hair...

The eighth graders were full of questions yesterday...
"Miss Book, how do you get your hair so straight?"
"Does it ever get nappy?"
-"They call it 'tangled.'" (one of the girls tossed this comment in)
"Can you tie it in a knot?"

I proceeded to amaze them for a few moments by tying a chunk of my hair into a knot and letting it go so it came undone. ("You didn't tie it tight enough!")



Shortly thereafter, while they were supposed to be working on something, the boy who had started the questioning called me over to his desk and whispered to me,
"Do you think my voice changed?"
While trying not to laugh, I assured him that I was sure it had changed, at least a little bit. This resulted in him throwing an "I told you so!" glance toward his lab partner.


They're pretty amusing. I had to send Flava Flav upstairs when halfway through the period I looked over and realized that his request for tissues really meant that his allergies were so bad that his eyes were streaming and he had a piece of toilet paper sticking out of each nostril. I sent him to find someone who could give him some medicine...

An addendum....

HOW COULD I FORGET?!?!?!

In celebration of August birthdays and a graduate school acceptance, some friends and I enjoyed the following a-mazing cake, made by the wonderfully talented Ms. Caddy:
Isn't that incredible? I didn't want to eat it... That was followed by some karaoke at a local bar where we learned that just because you can play a song on Guitar Hero it doesn't mean that you know it well enough to sing it (in my case it meant that the only words I actually knew were in the title...).

------

And everyone's favorite students is back...the following exchange involved FS, a coworker, and me at breakfast:
FS: What does Deutsch mean?
Em: German
FS: No, what does it mean?
Em: It means German.
FS: I know that it's German, but what does it mean.
Em: Yeah, it's German for German.
Me: Like Espanol is Spanish for Spanish...
FS: But what does Deutsch mean???
Em: It means butthead, okay?!
FS: HAH! (turns to upperclassman next to him) You're a Deutsch!

packrats, pilferers and post-its

I decided that while I was at my parents' house for Labor Day weekend I should sort through the last of my stuff in the basement. I realized that I am a pack rat. My family probably could have told you that. So could my roommate...she likes to point out that I still have Easter candy in my food cupboard (it's true...). But getting rid of things is a rather liberating experience. To be honest, the excavation of the basement started with my desire to determine the whereabouts of my toilet paper collection.

Yes. Toilet paper. Allow me to explain. My aunt once told me about a friend of hers who collected TP from her travels, then framed the squares and used the to decorate her bathroom. I'm personally envisioning picture frames with a postcard of the country, maybe some ticket stubs or other memorabilia, along with the name of the country in calligraphy, all to showcase the TP. I think it could look pretty classy. So I collected some samples from Germany, Poland and the Czech Republic while I was there...and recently mentioned them to a friend...and so I was compelled to confirm that the collection was still in existence. I am happy to report that the samples were recovered from a box in the basement shortly before all cleaning efforts were called off due to the discovery of a dead bat in the area (my sister and I weren't about to touch it, so we had to wait for our parents to come home...)

Anyway, in the process of sorting my stuff I found a TON of books...I tend to be a sucker for booksales...many of which I left in a box because there's no way they will fit on either of my two bookshelves. I also found, and subsequently disposed of, my 8th grade algebra notes, a number of writing assignments from high school English classes, my junior year health final project (actually that one is still in my trunk. I feel guilty just pitching about 50 perfectly good page protectors. And I feel obligated to recycle the paper inside the protectors...), notes/handouts/readers from several college classes, and my homework notebook from high school statistics, among other things. Oh, and a couple of planners. I mean, as interesting as it may be to have a record of all of my homework assignments from junior year, I don't think it's really that necessary...

And I found a plastic Easter egg with half a dozen Hershey kisses in it.

I ate them. (It's okay, I think that they were from this past Easter? Did we have an Easter egg hunt? Hmmm... They looked and tasted okay...)

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In other news, a number of cars in the neighborhood were robbed over the weekend. I didn't even think to lock my car since my parents' house is back in the woods, and apparently the trees were enough of a deterrent because my and my sister's car weren't touched. I was a little worried about my NKOTB CD, but apparently it and the "Atlas of Science Literacy" on the passenger seat weren't high on the thief's list of "must have" items.

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On an unrelated note, have you ever wondered what my students think of me? Of course you have! We went on an overnight with the girls last night, and this morning we did the exercise where you write nice things about people on post-it notes and stick it to them. (hah! You know what I mean...) Here's some of the list I received...
Hot Mama. (okay, just kidding, that wasn't from a student, it was a coworker...)
smiley
very interested in science
funny, goofy and cool
talk fast, funny, weird
patient
nice, good teacher
way too nice, it's cool to be friends with you (hmmm...note to self...students probably shouldn't be friends...)
funny and crazy
genius (looks like I'm still good at pretending I know what I'm talking about)
I only love your science class (not sure what the 'only' is doing in this statement?)
very funny and cool
funny, active
nice and funny (as you can see, they got really creative with their adjectives...)

Who wants to come to science class with the funny-crazy-weird science teacher?!?!?! Pick me! hehe, I was amused, and encouraged...it's going to be a good year, probably a little more challenging than last, but good nonetheless.

I should probably shut up now, if you are still reading, congratulations, you've reached the end of today's post :)