On accidental learning...and other things you maybe SHOULD have already learned...

Crutches Boy: When a force acts on something there will be an equal and opposite force reacting... did you teach me that?
me: Not yet...maybe you heard Rev Tom say it?
Crutches Boy: No...I think I might have accidentally learned that in science last year!


And I wrote this down but I can't really remember the context. I think it was Crazy Contacts Girl, but I don't remember what I said that made her respond like this.
CCG (putting her hand to her chest): Aw. That touched me. (then, whispering to girl sitting next to her) Is this where your heart is?

Learning how to talk...

me: Can someone tell Boy Who's Now on Crutches what we did in class yesterday?
Know-it-All: Alright, listen here, yo, basically what we did...
Boy on Crutches: I don't speak black.
Buss Pass Boy: You're the darkest one in here!


Boy on Crutches: Miss Book, are there orgasms in vinegar?
me (taking a deep breath before looking his direction so I won't laugh)
Boy on Crutches: I mean organisms!

At least he knew enough to correct himself quickly!

quick update

Light of my Life: Miss Book, you look real young. You look like your mom just pushed you out!



Crazy Contacts Girl (8th grader w/ bright blue contacts...): [to her group] You guys, come on! We need to get this done! Consecrate!



Complainer: What's for snack?
Me: There are rolls and peanut butter and apples and oranges and bananas and milk...
Complainer: So basically nothing.

a quick one

8th grade boy: I can't read upside down! I'm not God!

A serious question...

Light of my Life: Miss Book. I have a serious question. What if you send a test home to be signed and someone comes back and says they couldn't get it signed because their parents were having sex? Like, that's a for real question. That's deep.

Quotable quotes

Something I wish I hadn't overheard today:
Light of my Life: Wait. You mean all D cups aren't the same???

Yesterday in 8th grade science...
me: What's this called? (holding up an Erlenmeyer flask)
Single Kidney: Oscar Mayer flask!
(The other day this kid claimed he only had one kidney and that's why he always had to pee. I cannot vouch for the veracity of this claim.)


In chemistry...
Miss Book! You look different today! Did you get your hair cut?
no.
LomL: Did you get your nose done?


In advisory...
Advisee: Miss Book! Have you ever seen that YouTube video of the funeral where the crackhead sings Amazing Grace?
Me: The one where the cracker sings Amazing Grace?


In English...
Mr. DeBor: Nicest Student Ever, that was an excellent question. It was so good that if I had another child, I'd name him after you.
Student: Oh! Are you going to have more kids?
Mr. D: No, two's enough. We're done.
Student: So you don't have sex anymore?
DeBor relating the story later... "I just had to fight through that one and keep going. It was like I could see the geese in front of the plane and I just had to hold it steady and keep flying and put it down on the Hudson..."

Concussions and clothing...

I should totally be grading papers right now. I hate grading papers. It's seriously my least favorite thing about being a teacher. Well, that and writing finals. Instead I figured we needed an update, since I promised one...

First off, Bus Pass Boy walked to school for a few days, but someone eventually took pity on him and gave him some bus tickets...so he did not get suspended.

In the last post I mentioned his sister as "Soccer Hero," and I need to explain. You see, it's our school's first year with a soccer team, and while they are seriously improving by leaps and bounds, they have also been losing every game without scoring...until last Tuesday when Soccer Hero--a ninth grade girl!--scored the first goal! We all seriously cheered like they'd won the whole game :) It was pretty exciting. Same game, more interesting story...before the goal...
Flava Flav kicked the ball, which ricocheted off of another kid's legs, came back, and hit him right in the face. Allow me to replay parts of the conversation that followed...

Coach: What day is it?
FF: Thursday.
Coach: What year is it?
FF: I don't know.

Ms. Brett, walking him to meet his mom in the parking lot: What color car does your mom drive?
FF: Purple.
Ms. B: What kind of car is it?
FF: It's a truck. A purple truck.
Ms. B (on phone with his mother): What kind of car are you driving?
Mom: A tan SUV.
Ms. B: FF, does your mom drive any other cars?
FF: Yeah, she has four.
Ms. B: Well what color are they?
FF: Purple. They're all purple.

Ms. B: What classes did you have today?
FF: I don't know.
Ms. B: Did you have math?
FF: I don't know.
Ms. B: Did you have history?
FF: I don't know.
Ms. B: Did you have science?
FF: I don't know.
Ms. B: Did you have English?
FF: Yeah! Yeah, I had English.
Ms. B: Who's your teacher for English?
FF: You are!
(nope, she teaches history...and not even to his class)

Also, she kept asking him what day it was, and eventually he realized that "Thursday" must be the wrong answer, so he started answering "Purple."

Two days later he was back in school, diagnosed with a mild concussion, taking an English test.
FF: Mr. DeBor, I have a question on #77.
DeBor: FF, there are only 40 questions on the test.

FF: Mr. McMichael!
DeBor: I'm not Mr. McMichael.

FF: I have a question on "a."
DeBor: It's a multiple choice test. Which "a" do you have a question about?

-----
Today Obsessed with Charmed (who will henceforth be called "Light of my Life" because that is what Ms. Brett calls him and I think it's appropo) came into lab,
"Miss Book. Let's make a deal. If we don't have lab tonight, then I won't strip on this table."
me: We're having lab. Please keep your clothes on.

later, overheard...
"I'm not wide! I'm petite!"
(this kid is probably six feet tall and definitely over 200lbs...)

On walking and brainwashing... :)

Oh boy, do I have some stories for you...

The first one actually happened a few weeks ago when one of the 8th grade boys didn't show up for school in the morning but his sister did. When the Dean of Discipline made attendance calls home, he talked with the boy's mother and I believe the conversation went something like this...
"Oh, he'll be there, he'll just be late. He's walking."
"Walking?"
"He lost his bus pass and his father and I told him he has to learn to be responsible, so we aren't taking him to school. He has to find his own way."
"Oh, okay, well I'm still going to have to give him an unexcused tardy."
"That's fine. He woke up at 6:30 this morning; he knew he had to be walking by then."
"Okay. Just so you know, he'll be suspended and sent home for the day if he gets three unexcused tardies."
"That's fine, he knows it's his responsibility to get to school on time."

When this story was relayed in the teacher's lounge it prompted immediate research via Google Maps, which revealed that Bus Pass Boy would be walking seven, yes, seven, miles to school each day for the remaining eight September school days. While studying the route we determined that he would have to cross a river and walk mostly uphill and probably leave around 5:30am if he had any hope of arriving at school by 8. Talk about tough love! Try keeping that kid awake and alert for 1st period science...


I have another story, but I'll save that for another post. Instead, here are a few recent quotes:

Proof that the head of school is brainwashing, I mean enculturating, our students... :)
Soccer Hero (Bus Pass Boy's sister): Wait, you mean "thou shalt have common sense" isn't a real commandment?!?"

At the soccer game--
Coach: Take off your jewelry before the game.
Obsessed with Charmed: Yeah! Take off your jewelry! You are not in a Gucci Mane video!

Senior boy, to teacher: Don't take this the wrong way, but you look hot.
Teacher: I don't think there is a right way to take that...please never say that again.