on books, parents, and the proper use of words

I just realized that it's been awhile. I've been saving up some good ones though...so enjoy these recent student-related incidents...

Scenario 1-- Emily is cleaning up from dinner, rewrapping the American cheese.
School Mascot Student: is that prosthetic cheese?
Emily: do you know what that word means?
SMS: I thought I did...
Emily: what does it mean?
SMS: something that's fake
Emily: right
SMS: so it's like fake cheese

Scenario 2-- our girls basketball team is playing the local school for adjudicated youth. I am sitting in the second row, behind parents/teachers from the opposing school. Favorite Student approaches my seat and sits next to me.
FS (loudly...he only has one volume): Hey Ms Book! Isn't this the school with all the convicts?
I try desperately to shush him, motioning at the adults in front of us and trying to explain who they are.
FS (obviously confused by my frantic motions and whispering): What? They're convicts too?

And a couple of my favorites from a student who recently asked me to proofread a paper:
"With all of the exciting rituals happening around Christmas time, you can't help but feel voluptuous..."
ummm...I don't think that's the word he was looking for...

"Santa Claus is known around the world as the barer of gifts."
I'd really like to know what gifts Santa is baring...


In other news, I am SUPER excited about the new bookstore they built a mere mile from my current residence!! It's basically a dream come true...I have only been there once for about 10 minutes, but I plan to spend some more time there next week when I'm off. PLUS, it's right next to the new liquor store. Can life get better? I submit that it cannot! ;)

Number one thing I hate about teaching: parents who think their kid can do no wrong. Praise Jesus that I did not have to deal with Perfect Child's parents this week. Holy. Cow. Hearing about the drama afterwards was enough. Suffice it to say that the incident resulted in a two hour meeting with the head of school even though it shouldn't have been an issue. Wow.