sass and sensibility

New Year's Resolution

2012-02-09T20:48:00.002-05:00

I know. I say it every time I post. "I'm going to get better about posting!" This time I'm really going to try. I just got lost in some blog posts from my first year of teaching, and, well, they were funny. And I miss being able to go back and remember what has happened at school this past year. Plus, some of this stuff the kids say....really needs to be written down. For posterity. Just sayin'.

I've started posting some one liners on Facebook, but then they get lost in the abyss that is Facebook's record of my life over the past six or seven years (that creeps me out a little bit...and then it makes me remember back in the day when Facebook didn't even have the "update your status" option! What the heck did I use it for back then? Just creeping on people? Weird...)

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Kids are funny!

In chemistry class, as we're reviewing some vocabulary from the periodic table chapter....

Me: What is a "period"?

Student: It's when your mom gets mad at you for no good reason!

During evening study a week or two ago, one of the 9th grade boys was in the computer lab where I was the proctor...

Boy: Don't worry Miss Book, I'll marry you. (apparently I looked concerned?) How old are you, 27?

me: 28.

Boy: I'm 14. But I'll be legal in four years.

me: I'm 14 years old than you. Technically, I could be your mother.

boy: So when I'm 18, you'll be 32. And then when I'm 30, you'll be...what? 38?

me: No, I'll be 44.

boy: oh.

[silence]

boy: How do you feel about getting bit by a vampire?

Spelling...

2011-11-03T10:52:00.001-05:00

<p>I understand not being a good speller, I really do, but things like this always blow my mind...this one from one of my advisees, a ninth grader:</p>
<p>What do you wish you had done differently this past term? <br>
''I also wish that I wasn't such a porcesentater.''

Woohoo!

2011-11-02T12:10:00.001-05:00

I am so proud of myself for figuring out how to make all of my random google accounts hold hands, so now I can blog from my phone! Hopefully this will mean more updates. Like this from senior seminar today--

Me- what do you guys know about marcellus shale?
Student- marcella who?

a few updates

2011-06-28T17:26:00.003-05:00

John was looking for estate sales today online...
Mr John: Where's Jefferson Hills?
Mr DeBor: I don't know.
Mr John (to students standing in the office): Do you know where Jefferson Hills is?
students: Ummm...well, he's not in our class...

So I'm teaching all of the 8th-10th graders at Summer Academy PLUS the seniors for environmental science senior seminar. Yeah, it's a good time...I just have to keep telling myself that I can do anything for five weeks! (actually I have the seniors for two hours a day for four weeks...and not on Fridays...so it's not quite as bad as it sounds)

Anyway, it's been fun to talk about some of these environmental science ideas with them...things they've never thought of, like how decisions that we make in the US can affect the rest of the world and how everything is connected. So we talked about population growth today and the consequences of having an increasing population in the US and in the world in general.

student: Then all these immigrants have to come in, and then they start having babies! Oh. Wait. I need to stop talking. That's my mom.
(her mom's from Jamaica)

Also, her first suggestion for how to slow population growth was to tell people to stop having sex. Right. I see no reason this could not be legislated tomorrow.

And finally, I'll just share something that I was excited about that happened in environmental science this past week. We had just finished watching Planet in Peril, which ends with a short segment that discussing what they call "environmental racism," meaning that environmental issues affect non-whites disproportionately (like how landfills or pollution producing industrial plants are more likely to be built near an African American or Latino neighborhood). When I asked them what they thought about that idea, one of them was quick to speak up to say that he disagreed. "It's not racism! They aren't building the plants there because they're black, they're building them there because they're poor and can't do anything about it--it doesn't have anything to do with their skin color, they're just saying that because it's more common for black neighborhoods to be poor."
The kid definitely had a point.

Introducing...

2011-06-25T17:22:00.004-05:00

Yay! Time for my favorite post of the year! :)
Meet the new kids! As a reminder, here's the intro I've given for the past three years...
These are excerpts from an informal writing assignment they had, it was an "About Me" essay and I gave them a bunch of questions that they could answer if they wanted to, or they could just write about themselves without answering the questions (things like: what do you value? what are your goals? what are your talents? etc.) Barring a few small edits, I kept most of the spelling/grammar as it was given. I pulled a comment from each essay, sometimes more than one...so here they are...funny, sweet, heartbreaking and insightful as ever...

My plans for the future are to be in the NbA, go into the marines, and get my master from collage.

I once had a twin sister but she died when we where 3 years old due to a whole in her heart.

I am African American, Puerto Rican, white and Indian, my father is African American/Puerto Rican and my dad's dad is Puerto Rican and my great great grandmother is Indian and my great 3x grandmother is white.

I was born October 21, 1997, which means I'm a Libra! Yay!

I believe that everything you want to do can be done through hard work, and dedication.

Also when I grow up I will have arranged marriage.

If I were to pick a hobby it would be reading I love to read and listen to music.

Something I am looking forward to is being a better, more responsible teenager and learning the values of life.

I hope to one day be an engineer like my mom.

I also don't like babies, cats, and a majority of old people.

My background is the racially confused mixed girl who went to an all Asian school.

I was adopted at age 3 and I moved 11 times.

I love science, also I am intreasted in chemicals.

I have no talent beside being natraly funny.

After college I should be around the age of 26 so for like 2-4 years I will take time off of work and school, and I will go out with my friends to parties and different clubs.

My favorite hobbie is to party with friends on my spare time.

I believe in what other people don't: love, happieness and magic.

A major event in my life that affected me was losing my father.

I cannot stand people with smart mouths, and I also cannot stand wearing itchy stockings/tights.

I have the typical annoying little sister that I still and always will love.

When I get older I would like to become a pediatrician, because i would like to be that person that would be able to help a child in need.

I believe that hard work pays off sometime in life.

When I grow up I would like to be a proffesional rapper.

This school will also help make me a better gentleman.

I love doing experiments.

I hope this year is good, and fun.

I run fast and I like to draw....Nobody really enspired me to draw. I usually just draw what I feel.

My plans for the future are to be a sound engineer, and to collect cars.

I am really talented at football, and I am very interested in playing football, and I am interesed in math.

I have one sister and three brothers. Two of which are my uncles, the other two are adopted.

I don't have a hobby, unless miming is a hobby.

I'm known as a very cool person and when I say cool I mean fun to be with and chilled and layed back.

When I was 9 years I was taken away from my aunt and was put in "cyf", that event effected my life drastically.

I am just a regular girl with dreams like everyone else.

Some of my special talents are that I am good at any sport I play, I can sing, and I know how to give good advice when someone needs or asks for it.

I like to laugh at jokes, and I can't stand being interupted if im talking or someone else is. and most of the time I don't talk.

Almost everyday you'll see a smile on my face.

I want to become a state trooper to help protect and serve my community. I want to set an example for my little brother and sister that their is way more to life than just living off of welfare with just a job.

I'm Christian and I love God, I read the Bible every morning.

I enjoy making others smile and giving to people who don't have.

It just bothers me with someone descriminates against someone else for things that are unchangeable.

When I get older I expect to be a very successful artist.

I've been homeschooled for most of my life, I did attend Kindergarten, but that was only for a short while.

I am not looking forward to wearing uniforms all year.

I value hard work and reward, family, friends and good teachers.

I started track when I was eight years old and when I was thirteen I ran a WPIAL qualifying time in the 100 meter dash but I was too young to actually go.

I want to become a Pharmacist and Real Estate Agent, they seem like interesting careers. I would buy a house from myself and make my own medicine instead of going to the doctors.

I love to dance and be goofy.

You should know I'm an outgoing, nice, happy, safisticated young lady but still have my off days.

I like to cook, but I only know how to cook certain foods such as; pancakes, bacon, eggs, noodles, toast, chicken, macaroni, and micorwavable everything.

An event in my life that affected me was losing my granddad at an early age becasue now my mom tells me how much he adored me and wanted me to be around him, making me think maybe I would have turn out to be a different person than I am today.

You should know that i study hard and allways try my best but sometimes I struggle.

This school could change my life. That's why I'm here before you.

Good news!

2011-05-05T19:48:00.002-05:00

Emails like this are the reason I love my students. :)

The subject line of this one was "Good News"....

Dear Ms. Book,

my homework for tommorow is crumbled up, but i still got it done!

p.s. i didnt crumble it up :)

Black and white

2011-05-03T13:04:00.002-05:00

Every once in awhile something happens that I feel like I have to blog about immediately. This is one of those times. I'm sitting in the back of the 10th grade biology class while they talk about genetics, which makes for a lot of interesting conversations. Long story short, I ended up googling something they were talking about and finding something unrelated but nonetheless interesting...fraternal twins--one black and one white...
http://www.snopes.com/photos/people/mixedtwins.asp

I knew they'd think it was really cool, so when there was a lull in the conversation I showed them the pictures. After gathering around my desk and exclaiming over the idea of black and white twins, they returned to their seats...except for one girl who hung back a little bit and whispered to me, "so, Miss Book, is that white baby gonna, like, talk white when she grows up?"

test response--8th grade

2011-04-18T08:32:00.001-05:00

Question: What would you want to use as a material for a bathroom window: glass that is transparent, translucent or opaque? Explain your reasoning. Response: I would want to use a translucent window so light can get in and so no one can see my goods.

When nature calls...

2011-04-08T16:09:00.000-05:00

Some quotables from Light of my Life...these come from our recent trip to Kenya.

upon seeing black and white Colobus monkeys: "I love biracial things!"

During a conversation about using public restrooms, particularly pit latrines:
Father Zach: Well, when nature calls, I answer!
Light of my Life: When Mother Nature calls me, I just send her straight to voicemail!

This one's not from school directly, but it involved two of my students meeting my friend's son, Sam, who is 4. He was excited to show them his Transformer action figures.
12th grade girl: I love Transformers!
Sam (looking confused): Are you a boy or a girl?
[Apparently the idea of a girl liking Transformers was a little too much for his four year old mind to handle :) ]

Re: merging this with my Gmail account... this is what Google tells me "You can not associate a Gmail address with your Google Account." Figure that one out. Hah :-P Basically I think that since I signed up for Blogger with a different user name than my Gmail, I can't link the two. Thanks for your comments though :) The comments go to my gmail, so that's not the issue, it's just the multiple sign in that I have to finagle...

confession

2011-03-17T10:01:00.002-05:00

Why have I not been blogging much?
I'm lazy.
Apparently Google and Blogger have merged. I joined Blogger with my yahoo address. So now I have to sign out of Gmail before I can sign into Blogger. I shouldn't be as annoyed about it as I am...if you know how to fix that so that it's not so annoying, please let me know, it will maybe help me to blog more frequently. :)

I just wanted to share a student response to an essay I'm grading. The question has to do with how we use energy to make our lives more comfortable. One student's paper begins:
"We use energy in many ways to make are lives better. I use elastic energy to keep my pant legs up if they are too long."

Seriously? That's the FIRST example that comes to your mind??

A decent way to make money...

2011-01-19T21:38:00.003-05:00

In the 8th grade this morning we were talking about why scientists do experiments and investigations. This led us to talking about how scientists are often trying to answer questions, and whose questions they are trying to answer. By way of example, I mentioned that when the government has questions, they will give funding to scientists in order to answer those questions.

8th grade girl: So do you get funding to answer our questions?
me: Well...yes. It's called my salary.

I guess that's one way of looking at why I get paid...:)

jail and holidays and anatomy lessons...

2010-12-10T13:24:00.003-05:00

From history class the other day with the juniors:
Flava Flav: (to Ms Brett) They should make a movie about you being in jail. It would be the funniest movie EVER!
Box Cut Boy: Yeah that would be hilarious! You would just try and teach everybody!

and another one from the lovely Ms Brett...
11th grade girl: Ms Brett, you look skinny today.
Ms B: Thank you!
11th grade girl: This is an all black school. That was not a compliment.

This past week I had to give the 8th graders a crash course in human anatomy when I got the following questions:
"Miss Book, where's your independix? Isn't it down here?" (given, the area she was pointing to was pretty close to correct...)
"Isn't my pancreas above my tentsticles?"

And apparently I scared them the other day when I scolded them at the end of the period for not being on task:
8th grade boy: Miss Book, if I were your dog and you were angry at me, I would run away!

Also, there was a little holiday confusion recently amongst the juniors...
Flava Flav: Are Good Friday and Black Friday the same thing?
teacher: No, Good Friday is before Easter, Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving when everyone goes shopping.
Flava Flav: Why do they call it Black Friday? Is it because that's the only day black people can afford to buy anything?

:)

2010-10-27T19:09:00.002-05:00

Vocabulary practice...
9th grade boy: Stop disrespecting my conglomerate!
Mr. DeBor: That's not how you use "conglomerate"...
9th grade boy: Well it sounds smart if you don't know what it means!

8th grade boy: Miss Book, I saw your boyfriend!
me: Oh really. What did he look like?
[He starts describing someone...]
8th grade boy #2: Do you have a boyfriend?
me: no.
boy #2: You should get one. You're probably lonely. Oh wait, you're not lonely, you have science!

Close...but not quite...

2010-10-13T15:35:00.003-05:00

Yikes, didn't realize it'd been quite so long since my last post! :-p

Just a quick story now...from English class where they were playing a quick round of Scattergories at the end of the period. Topic: Things related to athletics. Letter: D.

9th grade girl: Doggie style!!
Mr. DeBor: Excuse me?
girl: I mean, downward dog!

Okay, okay, one more. Some background info first... a) Mr. Green is a counseling intern for the year, and, as the kids all know, he is Jewish. b) If it is a student's birthday, it is not uncommon to see her (hmm. Not sure if I've ever seen a male student do this...) walking around with money safety-pinned to herself, like some sort of fancy brooch. I guess people are supposed to give her money to add to the display in honor of her birthday. Anyway, it was a 9th grade girl's birthday recently, and she had quite the collection of bills.

Mr. Green: Hey! What's this? (reaches for the $20)
student: (backing up defensively) Whoa! Mr. Green, I know you're Jewish, but...

Sexiness and slavery...

2010-09-25T10:24:00.003-05:00

In 8th grade the other day I gave one of the boys my keys so that he could open the bathroom. My keys have a key chain on them with my name on it--since I am constantly leaving them somewhere, I figured it helps to speed their return to me. Anyway, he came back into the classroom holding my key chain up,
"Who's 'Alexis'?"
me: That's my name.
another 8th grade boy: Your name's Alexis?? That's the sexiest name ever! I want to name my daughter that...

And in chemistry class yesterday, they somehow got on the topic of how old their parents are:
girl: my mom's 54.
boy: What?? My grandma's 54!
girl: She was born in 1956.
Flava Flav: 1956?! Didn't they still have slavery back then??

Quote of the day

2010-09-25T10:23:00.002-05:00

Courtesy of Mr. Know-it-All:

"Glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts--it never goes away!"

I'm not sure if that's original or not, but it cracked me up!

An email from last week that made my day :)

2010-09-15T21:08:00.001-05:00

The following was in my inbox last week, from a student who just graduated...I may have named her "School Poster Child" at some point...

Hey Ms.Book!!

If you haven't heard already my chem. professor SUCKS!!! I miss you already like everytime i go to her class i sit in the front and glare at her with the meanest face and dryest lips! lol But when you get time can you PLEASEEEEEEE break down the whole sig-fig rules for me=) love you hope everything is going okay!!!

Hooked on phonics...

2010-09-15T21:05:00.002-05:00

Ms. Shpiez to 10th grade boy: Hey! That scarf is not appropriate for school!
student: What? Why?
Ms. S: Look at what it says on it!
student: Ms. Shpiez, it just says "Genius."
Ms. S: No. It doesn't. It says "Guinness."

Fun in study hall...

2010-09-13T16:39:00.003-05:00

Mr. Know It All: Ms Book, you're a genius, right?
me: Whatever you want to believe...

It's nice when students think highly of you...;)

And now that I've yelled at him multiple times to be quiet, he just pulled out his most charming grin and told me I look ravishing today. HAH.

Jamaicans and Jesus and...Mt. Dew...

2010-09-10T18:16:00.003-05:00

So we kick off every school year with boys' and girls' overnight retreats. Due to some behavior issues last year, the girls did not stay overnight this year. We had a blast on our day trip though, and even while we were waiting for parents to pick up their kids, we had entertainment in the form of Ms. Motor Mouth (I swear she never stops talking...) We were in the midst of a conversation in which we discovered that two students who we thought were cousins (they called each other cousins and both of their moms are Jamaican, so it seemed plausible), actually were not.

Ms. MM: Ms Shpiez, no black people are ACTUALLY related!!
(in African-American culture, at least amongst our students, it is very common to refer to close friends as "cousins". They have fooled me multiple times...)

And as the one girl explained how the two families had come to know each other...
"Well when her mom came to the US from Jamaica, my mom was one of the first people she met."
Ms. MM: Did they meet at Ellis Island?

I was actually proud of her for know what Ellis Island was and that it was tangentially relevant to this conversation...

Can you believe Flava Flav is in 11th grade?? He's in my class again! One of his classmates we're going to call Marathon Man. No, he's not a runner, but he's a student I also had in 8th grade...however, he failed 10th grade...so if he makes it through this year and next, he'll have been at the school for six years! They both also have Ms. Brett for history, where the following exchange happened:

Flava Flav: Ms. Brett, have you ever been in a fight? I bet you could do good. You could take out Miss Book. She's fragile.
Marathon Man: Yeah, but she would unleash the power of Jesus Christ on you! You wouldn't make it.

And finally, Dr. W (the other science teacher) and I were called into Mr. John's math class today by the counselor to help clear something up...apparently something akin to the following happened...

The 9th graders were working on an assignment Mr. John had given them. He was sitting at his desk, drinking a Mt. Dew.
Mr. Know-it-All: Mr. John, did you know that Mt. Dew kills sperm cells?
Mr. John: What?
Mr. KiA: Yeah, it's like male birth control--if you drink a six pack of that, you'll be good to go!

Once again, clearing up some health-related misconceptions...and hopefully avoiding some unwanted teenage pregnancies in the process...:-p

Defining "party" and "a lot of money" :)

2010-07-23T16:36:00.003-05:00

The kids are always confused when I tell them I have roommates, since that's a word they associate with college. I explained it to them a few days ago, so today one of the 8th grade boys was asking me about it.

him: So do you and your roommates have parties?
me: Yeah, we have parties.
him: Do you have the crazy parties with the cups all over the place and the couch and the TV on the front porch and a chair hanging out of the window?
me: Hah, no, we have...adult parties.
him: Adult parties? Like, do you eat crumpets and caviar? Do you drink tea like this? [he proceeds to hold up his pinky finger and sip from an imaginary cup of tea.]

At this point Mr. John came into the room...
8th grader: Mr John! Do you want to come to my party I'm having with my three roommates? We're eating caviar and you have to wear a suit...
Mr John: No.
8th grader: Why not?
Mr John: Because you're black.
The kid kept trying to describe his "party" but I think John caught him off guard because he just ended up stuttering and not making any sense...hahaha :)

This kid (I really need a name for him b/c I know these stories are just going to continue) was also the one who came into class today talking about money.
"Kids and adults think different about money. Like, kids think $100 is a LOT of money, but to adults it's really not that much. Isn't that right, Miss Book?"
Funny...I remember thinking the exact same thing when I was his age :) I told him something about how I still thought $100 was a lot of money, but "a lot" was sort of relative...
Him: Well, I bet you make at least...$12,000 a year!

Thank the good Lord that it's a bit more than that...I would like to pay off these loans before I'm 80... :)

Messages from students...

2010-07-21T06:42:00.002-05:00

I believe that in the past I've shared messages I've received from students. This one was in my inbox this morning, from one of this past year's advisees (the one who made me want to cut myself...remember her?):

Ms.Book, I miss you

That one makes me happy :)

While I'm on this topic, here's one I received from Bus Pass Boy near the end of the school year...

Subject line:
IV GOT A REALLY GOOD QUESTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Body of email (keep in mind, I'm just cutting and pasting...these emails looked just like this in my inbox):

MS BOOK!!!!!!!!!!

IF WE GOT A LOT OF 9V BATTERIES AND HOOKED IT UP TO A COMPUTER

PLUG WILL IT LIGHT UP AND WORK!!!!!!!!!

A whole new world...of technology...

2010-07-13T20:45:00.004-05:00

My fifty-something boss sat down next to me in the computer lab today and started working on an assignment for his class. Soon he asked me: "How much does a monthly bus pass cost?" Of course, since I don't ride this bus (and up to this past May was still using a college ID to ride for free), I had no idea, so he started asking students--who of course had no idea either since they get theirs for free from the school. Since I was sitting at a computer, I do what I usually do when I don't know the answer to something--I googled it.

10 seconds later:
"$80. A Zone 1 bus pass is $80 per month." I showed him on the website.
Pause while he typed that into his worksheet and I continued my own work.

"Okay, I'll bite...how'd you find that so fast?"
"I just googled 'how much is a bus pass in this city'. It was the first thing to come up."
"Hmmm..."

Two minutes later.
"Well, I tried it. I was looking for what percentage of income should be spent on housing and I typed it into google and it was the first thing that came up!"
"Yep. It's like magic!"

I think I just introduced him to a whole new world...

Now if only I could teach him how to make double sided copies, then we would be set...

-----

Here's another one of those "signs of the times" incidents from class. They were doing the assignment where I give them a list of stuff and they have to classify it as either "matter" or "not matter".
Slow Talker: This one says "a cell"...do you mean a cell from your body or a cell phone?

-----

Overheard (one student to another):
"Your handwriting is eligible!"

------

In today's discussion of matter, we talked a bit about what air actually is...

me: Yes, there is oxygen in the air, but air is actually only about 23% oxygen. What do you think the other 77% is?
two students (in unison): Pollution!!

Well, we may rank right up there in the most polluted cities...but we're not THAT bad!

Looking for words...

2010-07-02T21:34:00.005-05:00

I don't often think about how my class sounds to outsiders who don't know what's going on. Yesterday I told one of the 9th graders to stop doing what he was doing and to do what he was supposed to be doing (say that one three times fast! ;) ) I didn't realize how funny it sounded until the Head of School walked in behind me and repeated what I had just said:

" 'Put down the gel and measure your dinosaurs!' There's always something interesting going on in science class..."

I overheard some of the 9th grade boys arguing over the assignment I gave them today, which involved getting data from everyone in their group. One boy was getting exasperated and trying very hard to reprimand the other...
Student 1: You have to be a sports player!
Student 2: We aren't playing a sport!!!
Student 1: I mean you have to be a be a sports team...a team sport...a team player! You have to be a team player!

We had a little bit of a spillage incident the other day, which resulted in Mountain Dew and vinegar and dinosaurs (oh my!) all over the floor. It also resulted in what we like to refer to as "the smell of science" permeating the third floor. One 8th grade boy insisted he knew what the smell was.
student: It smells like weed in here!
me: That's vinegar you're smelling.
student: No, it definitely smells like weed!
me: Well, what did you think I was doing in here during my free periods??

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em...right?

Introducing...

2010-06-29T22:20:00.005-05:00

Here it is...one of my favorite posts of the year: Meet the new kids! As a reminder, here's the intro I've given for the past two years...
These are excerpts from an informal writing assignment they had, it was an "About Me" essay and I gave them a bunch of questions that they could answer if they wanted to, or they could just write about themselves without answering the questions (things like: what do you value? what are your goals? what are your talents? etc.) Barring a few small edits, I kept most of the spelling/grammar as it was given. I pulled a comment from each essay, sometimes more than one...so here they are...funny, sweet, heartbreaking and insightful as ever...

My values are the be the first to graduate college of my family and to finish high school.

I have been known to procrastinate so try to push me when you see me focused on something else.

I lived almost all over Georgia with my mom for 16 years. Now I am trying to move in with my dad for the last years of high school.

I've always wanted to play lacrosse. I hate soccer. I like to play video games.

One thing I don't have anymore is a hobby.

My dad parks cars for rich old people and makes a good deal of money. My mother is a probation officer and I don't know what her salary is and frankly I don't care.

My plans for the future are to grow up and be a strong and lovely woman.

I can't stand people that act so clueless!

I love texting, it's probably my favorite hobby.

I'm half Italian and half Chereke Indian, and last I'm African American.

I want to be an animator or a cartoonist.

My parents are very strict with my work.

My aunt dying affected me because she succeeded in her life at an early age when women didn't have the right to vote.

I believe in god's powers to help you get through hard times.

I have no brothers, no sisters and no dad.

My name is M.G. I was not going to come to this school..... So far this school is ok, hopefully it can go a lot better.

My stepdad, which is my mom's boyfriend, is the father of my siblings (all) besides 2.

My father died when I was 1 1/2 years old.

I am shy when I first meet people.

I like to read, 3 times a day.
I don't like to read in front of other people.

When my Grandma died that affected my life very much because she was someone that I loved and someone I could count on. She was always there for me, she was like a second mom.

I like to play drums. Sometimes I skateboard with my brothers.

I am the middle child. My mom and dad have nine children.

I am very intergetic, sometimes I can be a little disruptive, I like art I draw alot, I like to watch scary movies...but other than that I can be a very nice person.

I am interested in firecrackers, cool bugs, nice shoes, crazy animals, and dogs I never saw before. I love different clothes different houses and big colors that are shineiny.

My family are all athletes. We play alot of sports. My backround is wild and fun at the same time. I am funny I respect my elders and I turn in my homework.

I love to draw because some people can understand my feelings and know what I talking about.

I love pickles. Most of my best friends are guys. ... I think most Americans are overweight because they are lazy. I have a frenemy named Teddy.

I love to dance ballet also I love to sing I'm good at both.

My favorite sport is football. I like to play it because you can let out all of your anger. ... I am one of the best on my team. I really like it because I like to challenge people.

I hate many things, but I do like to learn. I'm looking forward to my new adventures here. ... Hopefully this school will bring me new challenges for me to overcome.

Week 1...

2010-06-29T22:10:00.003-05:00

It's been a crazy busy week and a half for me, but I've been stockpiling a few quotables for you :)

Some of the best questions I've heard this week:

8th grade girl (whose demeanor just screams "ditz!"): When they go into space, do they go past the clouds?

8th grade boy: How old are you? Really? You look so young! Do you use Proactive? You don't?!?

----------

me: Make sure you show your work for number 5.
student: I can't show my work! I don't have a calculator!

---------

me: Okay, so a few things you need to know before we go outside to do this activity--
student: Watch out for pedophiles!

---------

me: As you learn more, you realize that subjects are more closely related than you thought.
student: Like science and math?
me: Yeah, as you get deeper into science, you realize that it's really very closely related to math and uses a lot of it...
student: Yeah! Like if you explode a 9, it makes a 1 and a 0!
me: What?
student: You know, explosions are like science, right?
me: Sure...
student: And if you explode a 9 apart it makes a 0 and a 1!

At that point I decided it was wise to just move on...

---------

While outside doing a measurement activity...
student: Miss Book, you'd better get out of the sun! You're going to get sunburned and turn red like Dorothy's shoes!

And so it begins...

2010-06-22T22:13:00.002-05:00

Okay, short summer hiatus... now it's Summer Academy time! That means a whole crop of new kids to entertain me (and you)!

Today it was one of the 8th grade boys...surprise! One of them noted, when seeing my name written down, that I was a "Ms."
"You're not married??"
me: Nope (flashing my ringless hands at him)
8th grade boy: She don't want to be in a relationship--she got us!

Stories from Ms. Brett :)

2010-05-13T09:14:00.003-05:00

Ms. Brett has had some great stories lately which I feel obligated to share with you ;)

Light of My Life came into history class late last week, saying that he'd been kept late by the previous teacher and could he please go to the bathroom? Please? Please? She said no, but then we she turned around he was gone. A minute passed and one student piped up, "Ms. Brett, I bet he's doing his homework in the bathroom," which prompted Ms. Brett to call across the hall to Mr. Cody, asking him to go check the bathroom. As Cody walked into the bathroom, he practically ran into LomL, who was just coming out of the stall, holding his homework...
Cody: "LomL! What were you doing in here?!"
LomL: "I was playing with myself! I swear!"

and some recent questions in class...

student: What's the boys called that worked with the cows?
Ms. B: Cowboys

student: What's the name of that thing that came before that other thing?
ms B: I'm good, but I'm not that good

student: What's the name of the countries that aren't in the US?

Buffet and the Beatles...

2010-05-04T13:03:00.002-05:00

A conversation that I just overheard between the 10th graders and their biology teacher...

Student: What kind of music do you like?
Teacher: I listen to Jimmy Buffet...
S: Who's Jimmy Buffet?
T: Really??! You don't who Jimmy Buffet is?? [Sings clips from various songs; students still look confused.]
S: -Nope.
-We're young!
-I was born in 1993!
T: Jimmy Buffet's been around since the 60's; he's like an American icon--I can't believe you've never heard of him!
S: No, he's not an American icon--the Beatles were an American icon!
T: The Beatles were British!!

hehehe

2010-04-28T13:31:00.003-05:00

Light of My Life just came to ask me if I had any videos. Apparently his religion teacher had sent him (no idea why they're watching random movies in that class...usually it's pretty hardcore...). I took stock of my science movie collection and first handed over a Bill Nye DVD, which he then returned to me when I offered him the 1983 NOVA classic: "The Miracle of Life." teehee :)

If you ever watched that in high school, you remember because it scarred you for life...

[From Amazon.com: Still startlingly beautiful after several years, Nova's The Miracle of Life records human conception for the first time on film, and much more. Living, functioning reproductive systems are laid bare to the camera, and there is so much to explore and absorb that Nova's expert guidance is much needed and appreciated. The viewer follows an egg from its follicular development in an ovary, through the delicate, flowery fallopian tube for fertilization, and on to the uterus for development and eventual birth. Likewise, we follow the shorter journey of millions of sperm as they develop and strive mightily to reach the egg. (There isn't a man alive who can watch intraurethral footage without squirming--see for yourself!) Photographer Lennart Nilsson has shown us something profoundly beautiful and yet has left its fundamental mystery intact. The Miracle of Life is a rarity: a documentary that is also art. --Rob Lightner]

More misunderstandings...

2010-04-28T12:16:00.003-05:00

So a church group brought dinner for the kids the other night. This particular group loves to serve themed meals, which the kids may or may not be excited about eating, depending on how "weird" the food is (chicken will go fast, but plan on taking home any hummus you tried serving...). The meal they chose to serve the last time they were here was based on some recipes one of the women had found in a cookbook that claimed to replicate a meal that Julius Caesar would have eaten. She announced this rather excitedly to the kids, and one of the sophomore girls turned to me and whispered:
"Is that like from the movie Julie and Julia?"

Nope. Wrong person. Wrong time. Wrong part of the world. :-p

yes, the answer really is that obvious...

2010-04-28T12:15:00.002-05:00

One of my advisees:
"Miss Book, is potato chips really made of potatoes?"

It's been too long...

2010-04-27T15:40:00.002-05:00

Some quotable quotes from the past...weeks...months? Sorry, April has been ridiculous...:-p

"My mentor's a MILF!"
-Light of My Life

"Since it's called Hoss's Steakhouse, do they sell steak?"
-12th grade girl

9th grader, upon seeing a picture of an elderly woman:
"That's why I'm never marrying a white woman--when they get old their skin wrinkles up."

And, of course, Mr. Know-it-all, jubilantly holding up a folder he thought he'd lost:
"Jesus is real!! Miss Book, I believe in God!!"

In English class the other day the juniors were having a discussion that somehow turned to Sigmund Freud.
junior girl: Isn't that the magician guy who works with the animals?
teacher: That would be Siegfried and Roy, not Sigmund Freud.

On compressions and rarefactions...

2010-03-10T09:27:00.002-05:00

me: Instead of crests and troughs, compression waves have what we call compressions and rarefactions. Compression is a word you're familiar with, rarefaction is a weird one. Rarify is the root word, and the only place I've ever heard it is in a song by the Newsboys and a song by Frank Sinatra.
student: What? Frank's a nacho?

time with the juniors...

2010-03-01T13:35:00.002-05:00

I made a cake today for one of my advisees since it was her half birthday (her real birthday was before we started school). Light of My Life saw it and was upset:
-Miss Book! Why don't you make me a cake? Today was the day that Jesus...(trailing off)
me: What?
LomL: Today was the day that Jesus conceived me!
me: Jesus conceived you?
LomL: It was the day he put me in my mom! He conceived me.
me: So you're Jesus' son?
LomL: Yep!

Today I had three students in chemistry class. The rest were at basketball... Two of said students were preparing to take a test. One was rooting through her purse, claiming to have lost her pencil. I grabbed an unsharpened one off of my desk and offered it to her,
"Here! I just found this on the floor in the cafeteria!"
her: Um...no thanks...
student 2 (behind me): I'll eat it!
Pencil-seeking student: It's a PENCIL.
student 2: oh.
me: You would eat food off of the floor in the cafeteria?!?!?
sudent 2: maybe?

Spelling and sex ed

2010-02-24T09:25:00.003-05:00

I shouldn't make fun of bad spellers, but this did amuse me. We're talking about the sun in 8th grade science...so one of our vocabulary words the other day was "helio(s)-", since we're technically talking about "heliophysics." Basically, I'm trying to tell you that we've discussed the word and they've seen it written. So the other day I was amused when one of the 8th graders was doing some research online and I told her to Google "heliophysics." She typed: "hilio fisicst". Yikes.

The other amusing thing is sort of a two part story that happened with my 9th grade advisees. The conversation has been turning to sex frequently during advising this past week. My input into the conversation sounds something like this (prepare yourself): "Yes, you should go to the gynecologist if you're sexually active, or if you're not sexually active you should still go by the time you're 18 or so. Yes, they're going to do that. Yes, they're going to touch you there too. They're checking for cancer. No, it isn't that bad as long as you have a good doctor. Yes, your mom was telling the truth, that is how gay sex works. No, having sex with a gay person doesn't automatically give you HIV. HIV isn't something that just gay people have. " (I didn't realize when I took this job that I was also signing up to be the health teacher...)

Fast forward to yesterday when they were talking about sex again and if they were ever going to have sex, when it was okay to have sex, if sex was a good thing or a bad thing, etc. For some reason, I felt the need to jump into the conversation again--this time my input went something like this: "No, sex isn't bad. It all depends on the context. ...have you heard the saying, 'why buy the cow if the milk is free?'" After they repeated that to each other a number of times, one of them finally was asked, "what does that mean?" So then I explained. Then we walked across the street to the store--where they proceeded to ask the question of EVERY PERSON they saw. THAT was the amusing part for me...

Sometimes I feel like I'm teaching 1st grade...

2010-02-19T14:31:00.003-05:00

Today is the first full school days we've had in TWO WEEKS due to a combination of snow and the President's Day weekend break. Ridiculous...

I gave an amazing speech in the 8th grade this morning... yesterday I brought down a box of poster making supplied for them--construction paper, scissors, markers, crayons, and a brand new box of glue sticks--so that they could work on an assignment I gave them. I told them I would leave the supplies down there in the 8th grade room as long as they cleaned up whatever they used. Needless to say, when I got to class this morning, there were craft supplies all over the table and floor. My comments to them went something like this:

"I try to do something nice for you and let you use all of these supplies, and you show me no kindness in return by leaving stuff all over the place! [pause to bend over and pick up a cap-less glue stick from the floor, which I then shook at them for emphasis] THIS is why we can't have nice things!"

I never did find the cap to the glue stick.

descriptions...

2010-02-05T12:29:00.002-05:00

Wannabe Gangsta injured his knee in a basketball game last night, so he was walking a little funny today. As he walked across the classroom, the following exchange happened...

Single Kidney: Man, you walkin' like you got a stick up your...
me: Nose? like he has a stick up his nose?
Mr. Know it All (who comes up with the greatest descriptions and word combinations): You're walking like a rat's chewing on your butt crack!

2010-02-05T12:27:00.002-05:00

Totally forgot about this one from 8th grade yesterday...

Single Kidney: How do we know all of this stuff about the moon? It's not like anyone's ever been there!

EDIT: Okay, maybe I remembered this wrong. I talked to SK about it this afternoon and he reminded me that we had been talking about the Moon and different planets and what they were made of and how far away the edge of the universe was---and THAT'S what he was saying no one had been to... So the "about the moon" part in the above quote probably didn't actually happen. Sorry. :-p haha!

reason #451

2010-02-03T21:56:00.004-05:00

I haven't posted reasons I love my job lately. (note: the numbers on the reasons? totally random) Here are two encouragements I heard from students today that I REALLY needed...

In the bathroom this morning (yes, awkward, I kn0w)
student: Miss Book, are you doing worship today?
me: Yep!
student: I love when you do worship--I actually understand what you're saying!

And after I gave a presentation to the 10th grade religion/ethics class about the development of the scientific world during the Renaissance and the whole "religion vs science" idea... (I pretty much talked for 45-50 minutes straight, which sort of sucks for them, but I tried to break it up a little and make it as entertaining as possible)
student: I can't wait to have your class next year!

:)

overheard...

2010-02-03T20:34:00.002-05:00

A few comments from today...

In environmental science senior seminar:
Ms. P: Now the water that you find underground is called "groundwater."
student: Wait. There's water underground? I thought that was where hell was...?
Ms. P: Well, that's like saying heaven is in outer space.
student: It isn't?

This led into a discussion of literal vs figurative...

-----
This one I overheard in the hallway. It was Pipe Cleaner Boy (the one who makes amazing works of art out of pipecleaners--they look like action figures) talking to his religion teacher.

PCB: I'm an adolescent! I have the attention span of a goldfish!

Scientific insults!

2010-02-01T09:30:00.002-05:00

Single Kidney made the following comment today when we were talking about graviational potential energy. They were coming up with ways that mass and height might affect the GPE of an object, and we were comparing him and the Head of School both standing on the roof (since he is so small and the Head of School is a big man).

"If the Head of School were just a little bit bigger, he'd have his own gravitational pull!"

Part of me wanted to reprimand him for being disrespectful...but the other part of me was downright elated that he had obviously internalized and applied something we learned in class last week!

Sunday school, syphilis and sexiness...

2010-01-29T12:48:00.002-05:00

We were talking about energy, work and power today in 8th grade science and I was trying to get them to think about how they use the words in everyday life and what they mean. And thus, I asked, "Who has the most power in the world today?" The answer, in my head, was Obama. The answer that at least three of them gave, in unison? "God!"

I'd like to reiterate: Science class is not Sunday school.
Though apparently they're learning something in religion...:-p

------

I always enjoy the one liners I get from Ms. Brett. The other day I got a text from her that said, "The following words just left my mouth during class with the juniors: 'Rosie the Riveter did not have syphilis!'"

------

I was walking around the circle of lab tables in class the other day, checking the juniors' homework. As I stopped to look at Light of my Life's homework, the girl next to him burped loudly. Still looking at the homework, I commented, "Well. THAT'S sexy..."
Light of my Life (hesitantly): Um, thank you?
Me: I'm talking about her burp, not your homework!

Fine. Rub it in.

2010-01-06T15:29:00.002-05:00

The juniors were talking today about how old they are and what year they went to kindergarten and how 1998 was so long ago and they're so grown up and old now blah blah blah... At this point, one of them tried to rip on me for being old:
When did you go to kindergarten, Miss Book? Like, '93?

me: '88.

You should have seen the shock on their faces. It was hilarious :)

happy new year!

2010-01-05T19:59:00.003-05:00

The interaction that prompted an impromptu anatomy lesson...
student 1: How many livers do we have?
student 2: Two, dummy!

I was multi-tasking today, trying to help proctor study hall in the library while also having four 8th graders retake a test across the hall. I collected all of the notebooks they could possibly cheat from and handed out tests, then ran across the hall to check on the library. Wannabe Gangsta came to get a test from me there (He had been getting something to write with. Who comes to make up a test without bringing something to write with???). I handed him the test and sent him back to the room, calling after him, "Don't cheat!"
He glanced over his shoulder and me and replied, "That's like God putting Adam and Eve in the garden and saying, 'don't eat this!'"
And thus, I spent the majority of my time sitting with them while they took the test...:-p

Light of My Life: Miss Book, I want to go to a prestigious college. Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm a prestige whore.
Me: Oh, so is THAT why you go to this school?
(prestigious is pretty far down on the list of words that usually come to my mind...:-p)

Kool Aid and Kisses...

2009-12-03T21:52:00.002-05:00

My advisees are so gullible. They were asking me about who had just been suspended, and I didn't want to put the kid's business out there, so I wouldn't tell. Finally I told them that it was Mr. Cody and that I had sent him home for making fun of students. One of my girls TOTALLY believed me! I couldn't keep up the lie; I just started cracking up...

Today I asked Mr. Know-It-All to explain something we'd done in class. The way he explained it didn't quite make sense, so I asked him another question to help him to see that he was wrong. The exchange went something like this...
me: Okay, but how does the water get into the test tube?
Mr. K: ... Science!

Sorry, this isn't like Sunday School where "Jesus!" is always a safe answer... :)

We also talked about diffusion in 8th grade and Wannabe Gangsta was trying to relate it to something he knew...
WG: So is that why you have to stir Kool Aid when you make it?
Me: Well, sort of, yes. I mean, if you just add the sugar and let it sit for like a week or two then eventually it's all going to be mixed together because the molecules are always in motion.
WG: Kool Aid doesn't last that long in a black household!

In case you haven't been able to tell or don't know me, I love messing with the kids to see what I can get them to believe. Some of them know this and can play along beautifully. For example, I had the juniors in class the other day and one of them looked out the door and saw the Spanish teacher (a friend of mine who's younger than me) talking to Rev. Tom (the 50something head of school).
student: I swear Ms. S just blew a kiss to Rev. Tom!
me (nonchalantly): Oh, you don't know about them?
Light of My Life: How do you think she keeps this job? She doesn't know THAT much Spanish!

On science...

2009-11-30T16:49:00.001-05:00

"Science is pretty easy once you think about it. I just don't like the thinking part..."
~Light of my Life

You really can't make this stuff up...

2009-11-20T09:37:00.002-05:00

Mr. Know-it-All always has an interesting way of putting things that ends up making me laugh. Yesterday he was wearing tennis shoes that were made of clear plastic so you could see his socks through them. At one point during class he took one off, looked at it, and exclaimed: "Science is happening in my shoe!" Apparently there was some condensation visible on the inside... he followed this up with, "Science is on my toes!" At least he gets excited about science... :)

He also accidentally broke a magnet in class the other day. When he told me what had happened, I gave him a fake angry look, to which he replied: "It was the energy's fault!"

Also, have I mentioned that we got a new copy machine at school? It is all fancy schmancy and will even hole punch for you! It also sends faxes, and supposedly will scan something and send it to your email, though I have yet to figure out how that feature works. I'm apparently a little ahead of some of my coworkers though. Recently one or two of the administrative staff were spotted making double sided copies...by gluesticking two one sided copies back to back and then copying them on the 2-->2 setting. The very people you would think should know all of thei ns and outs of the copier since it is basically integral to their job and located mere feet from their desks. Yes. It's true. You can't make this stuff up.

Crutches, Crouches, Crunches and Cats

2009-11-16T09:12:00.002-05:00

So another 8th grader is on crutches. She hurt "that thing in your knee that starts with an 'L.'" (ligament) So that prompted the following interaction... she had left her crutches at her desk and was stumbling toward the hallway.

Crutches Girl: I'm stumbling without my crunches!
Me: Crunches?
Crutches Girl: Oh. Crouches.

Try again. :-p

Then today in class, one of the boys started off with "Miss Book, I've been thinking about this all weekend... I was wondering, when we turn a light on, is that a chemical or a physical change? We were saying that light isn't made of particles, but I was still wondering if lighting something up makes it change..."
I was pretty jazzed that they were actually thinking about science outside of science class. His question was followed up by a question from Bus Pass Boy about what it means when people say that light is scattered (like when they explain how the sky is blue). So then we talked about that for a few minutes.
Then one of the girls raised her hand with a puzzled/thoughtful look on her face...
"I been thinking this whole time... Do cats really have nine lives?"

I'm still not sure how that related to anything...
The rest of the conversation went something like this:
Me: No.
Girl: So if I shoot a cat eight times, it won't still be alive?
Me: No.

Wow.

Don't make fun...

2009-11-09T19:46:00.005-05:00

It was a normal Monday in the 8th grade today, them full of crazy, me full of let's-get-going-we-only-have-35-minutes-since-worship-ran-over energy (which always results in me talking fast and loud, which obviously doesn't help the crazy...). While being bombarded with questions about the review sheet and whines of "but I didn't understand the homework," I battled the urge to answer the loudest questions and made myself call on the girl with her hand raised. As I shushed the others, she asked her question and Single Kidney Boy decided he needed to add his two cents concerning what he thought about the question. Annoyed I shot him a look and said, "I didn't ask for comments from the peanut gallery."

At that the class started cracking up while he fixed me with a death stare...then I realized that I had inadvertently classified the smallest kid in the class as the "peanut gallery"...and then I couldn't help giggling myself. I am so bad at keeping a straight face when stuff like that happens...

Whoops.

Signs of the times...

2009-11-09T19:46:00.002-05:00

Me: Okay, I need you to open your books...
Single Kidney: What channel?

Life sucks when...

2009-11-04T15:21:00.004-05:00

Single Kidney (aka the smallest cutest 8th grade boy ever): What chemical is this? (pointing at something he wrote on his paper)
I soon realized he was trying to make the letters in his name correspond to a chemical compound, for example, if his name were "Sammy" he would have written SAM2Y.
Me: Well, you could make that S for sulfur, Am for americium and Y for ytterbium.
Single Kidney: What chemical is that??
Me: Nothing. Those elements don't combine together.
SK: MAN! (slamming his notebook shut) Life sucks when you can't write your name as a chemical!

Mr. Know-it-all Returns

2009-11-02T15:53:00.002-05:00

(Anyone get that reference? There was a book I read as a kid called "Miss Know It All Returns"...)

The 8th graders were on fire today. Mondays are rough because worship always runs over, then I have to wrangle 8th graders and remind them that the bell already rang and they need to put their coats away and get their stuff and find a seat. They always act surprised that the bell has already rung--even when there's a clock in the back of the room that CLEARLY says 8:30 has passed...

Mr. Know-it-all was out sick for a few days but was back today. And as hilarious as ever. I overheard the following exchange as they were all making their way to their seats... he was addressing Crutches Boy who I think will now be "Wannabe Gangster" since his crutches are gone...

Mr. Know-it-all: You are not a gangster! You're 12 years old, you go to a private school, and you wear a tie!!!

A few minutes later as I'm talking to them from a chair in the back of the room (changing the time on the clock).
Wannabe Gangster (I'm not sure who he was talking to): Why do you keep looking at me??
Mr. Know-it-all: It's because you're black.
Confused Girl: We're all black!

Bus Pass Boy got upset that I didn't give him credit for homework that was not in his notebook. I heard the usual cry of "That's not fair!" but before I could launch into a lecture on fairness, Mr. Know-it-all jumped in:
Life isn't fair! You think Africans just WANT to starve themselves and not eat?

Point taken.

And finally, I was observing the 8th grade religion class today and somehow they got on the topic of the Virgin Mary.
Mr. Know-it-all: So did Mary actually have to have the baby? Like, did she actually have to push it out or did it just, like, pop out?
Mr. Rush: No, she actually had to have the baby, just like anyone else.
Mr. Know-it-all: So God put that baby in her and didn't give her any choice and then she had to go through all that pain. That sucks. She didn't even get to DO anything...

Rush had to assure him that Mary was actually married and did have other kids, so at some point she did indeed get to DO something. ha!

On accidental learning...and other things you maybe SHOULD have already learned...

2009-10-30T09:10:00.003-05:00

Crutches Boy: When a force acts on something there will be an equal and opposite force reacting... did you teach me that?
me: Not yet...maybe you heard Rev Tom say it?
Crutches Boy: No...I think I might have accidentally learned that in science last year!

And I wrote this down but I can't really remember the context. I think it was Crazy Contacts Girl, but I don't remember what I said that made her respond like this.
CCG (putting her hand to her chest): Aw. That touched me. (then, whispering to girl sitting next to her) Is this where your heart is?

Learning how to talk...

2009-10-29T22:25:00.002-05:00

me: Can someone tell Boy Who's Now on Crutches what we did in class yesterday?
Know-it-All: Alright, listen here, yo, basically what we did...
Boy on Crutches: I don't speak black.
Buss Pass Boy: You're the darkest one in here!

Boy on Crutches: Miss Book, are there orgasms in vinegar?
me (taking a deep breath before looking his direction so I won't laugh)
Boy on Crutches: I mean organisms!

At least he knew enough to correct himself quickly!

quick update

2009-10-27T21:15:00.003-05:00

Light of my Life: Miss Book, you look real young. You look like your mom just pushed you out!

Crazy Contacts Girl (8th grader w/ bright blue contacts...): [to her group] You guys, come on! We need to get this done! Consecrate!

Complainer: What's for snack?
Me: There are rolls and peanut butter and apples and oranges and bananas and milk...
Complainer: So basically nothing.

a quick one

2009-10-20T13:11:00.001-05:00

8th grade boy: I can't read upside down! I'm not God!

A serious question...

2009-10-19T19:47:00.001-05:00

Light of my Life: Miss Book. I have a serious question. What if you send a test home to be signed and someone comes back and says they couldn't get it signed because their parents were having sex? Like, that's a for real question. That's deep.

Quotable quotes

2009-10-14T16:42:00.003-05:00

Something I wish I hadn't overheard today:
Light of my Life: Wait. You mean all D cups aren't the same???

Yesterday in 8th grade science...
me: What's this called? (holding up an Erlenmeyer flask)
Single Kidney: Oscar Mayer flask!
(The other day this kid claimed he only had one kidney and that's why he always had to pee. I cannot vouch for the veracity of this claim.)

In chemistry...
Miss Book! You look different today! Did you get your hair cut?
no.
LomL: Did you get your nose done?

In advisory...
Advisee: Miss Book! Have you ever seen that YouTube video of the funeral where the crackhead sings Amazing Grace?
Me: The one where the cracker sings Amazing Grace?

In English...
Mr. DeBor: Nicest Student Ever, that was an excellent question. It was so good that if I had another child, I'd name him after you.
Student: Oh! Are you going to have more kids?
Mr. D: No, two's enough. We're done.
Student: So you don't have sex anymore?
DeBor relating the story later... "I just had to fight through that one and keep going. It was like I could see the geese in front of the plane and I just had to hold it steady and keep flying and put it down on the Hudson..."

Concussions and clothing...

2009-10-05T20:11:00.002-05:00

I should totally be grading papers right now. I hate grading papers. It's seriously my least favorite thing about being a teacher. Well, that and writing finals. Instead I figured we needed an update, since I promised one...

First off, Bus Pass Boy walked to school for a few days, but someone eventually took pity on him and gave him some bus tickets...so he did not get suspended.

In the last post I mentioned his sister as "Soccer Hero," and I need to explain. You see, it's our school's first year with a soccer team, and while they are seriously improving by leaps and bounds, they have also been losing every game without scoring...until last Tuesday when Soccer Hero--a ninth grade girl!--scored the first goal! We all seriously cheered like they'd won the whole game :) It was pretty exciting. Same game, more interesting story...before the goal...
Flava Flav kicked the ball, which ricocheted off of another kid's legs, came back, and hit him right in the face. Allow me to replay parts of the conversation that followed...

Coach: What day is it?
FF: Thursday.
Coach: What year is it?
FF: I don't know.

Ms. Brett, walking him to meet his mom in the parking lot: What color car does your mom drive?
FF: Purple.
Ms. B: What kind of car is it?
FF: It's a truck. A purple truck.
Ms. B (on phone with his mother): What kind of car are you driving?
Mom: A tan SUV.
Ms. B: FF, does your mom drive any other cars?
FF: Yeah, she has four.
Ms. B: Well what color are they?
FF: Purple. They're all purple.

Ms. B: What classes did you have today?
FF: I don't know.
Ms. B: Did you have math?
FF: I don't know.
Ms. B: Did you have history?
FF: I don't know.
Ms. B: Did you have science?
FF: I don't know.
Ms. B: Did you have English?
FF: Yeah! Yeah, I had English.
Ms. B: Who's your teacher for English?
FF: You are!
(nope, she teaches history...and not even to his class)

Also, she kept asking him what day it was, and eventually he realized that "Thursday" must be the wrong answer, so he started answering "Purple."

Two days later he was back in school, diagnosed with a mild concussion, taking an English test.
FF: Mr. DeBor, I have a question on #77.
DeBor: FF, there are only 40 questions on the test.

FF: Mr. McMichael!
DeBor: I'm not Mr. McMichael.

FF: I have a question on "a."
DeBor: It's a multiple choice test. Which "a" do you have a question about?

-----
Today Obsessed with Charmed (who will henceforth be called "Light of my Life" because that is what Ms. Brett calls him and I think it's appropo) came into lab,
"Miss Book. Let's make a deal. If we don't have lab tonight, then I won't strip on this table."
me: We're having lab. Please keep your clothes on.

later, overheard...
"I'm not wide! I'm petite!"
(this kid is probably six feet tall and definitely over 200lbs...)

On walking and brainwashing... :)

2009-10-01T18:28:00.002-05:00

Oh boy, do I have some stories for you...

The first one actually happened a few weeks ago when one of the 8th grade boys didn't show up for school in the morning but his sister did. When the Dean of Discipline made attendance calls home, he talked with the boy's mother and I believe the conversation went something like this...
"Oh, he'll be there, he'll just be late. He's walking."
"Walking?"
"He lost his bus pass and his father and I told him he has to learn to be responsible, so we aren't taking him to school. He has to find his own way."
"Oh, okay, well I'm still going to have to give him an unexcused tardy."
"That's fine. He woke up at 6:30 this morning; he knew he had to be walking by then."
"Okay. Just so you know, he'll be suspended and sent home for the day if he gets three unexcused tardies."
"That's fine, he knows it's his responsibility to get to school on time."

When this story was relayed in the teacher's lounge it prompted immediate research via Google Maps, which revealed that Bus Pass Boy would be walking seven, yes, seven, miles to school each day for the remaining eight September school days. While studying the route we determined that he would have to cross a river and walk mostly uphill and probably leave around 5:30am if he had any hope of arriving at school by 8. Talk about tough love! Try keeping that kid awake and alert for 1st period science...

I have another story, but I'll save that for another post. Instead, here are a few recent quotes:

Proof that the head of school is brainwashing, I mean enculturating, our students... :)
Soccer Hero (Bus Pass Boy's sister): Wait, you mean "thou shalt have common sense" isn't a real commandment?!?"

At the soccer game--
Coach: Take off your jewelry before the game.
Obsessed with Charmed: Yeah! Take off your jewelry! You are not in a Gucci Mane video!

Senior boy, to teacher: Don't take this the wrong way, but you look hot.
Teacher: I don't think there is a right way to take that...please never say that again.

things I didn't wake up expecting to hear today...

2009-09-28T21:42:00.002-05:00

I was waiting for the elevator today with Mr. Rush when Flava Flav came downstairs for cross country practice. As he walked out the door, I was witness to the following exchange:
Rush: Flava Flav smells like feet!
FF: You smell like llama sperm!

The kid didn't miss a beat. I really don't know how he comes up with these things. He just walked out the door, and Rush and I completely lost it as we realized what he'd said...

And, of course, the 8th grade boys are always fun to eavesdrop on...
Student 1: You've gotta watch out for Mr. Cody though, he will steal your girl! It doesn't matter if she's 13! It's not even like he's going to chase after her or anything...
Student 2: Yeah! She will just follow him around!

This kid is endless entertainment...

2009-09-21T17:50:00.005-05:00

Okay, I need I new name for "Obsessed with Charmed" because I am going to reference him frequently within the next year...since I have him in class again as a junior, and I feel like his 8th grade nickname could be better. Here are two from history class and one from chem lab...

Ms Brett: What did we name after William Pitt?

OwC: GETTYSBURG!

Teacher's Pet: What's Gettysburg?

OwC: If the Indians won the French and Indian War, would we be called the United States of the Indians?

And during lab, after one student spilled a beaker full of test tubes, breaking most of them:
OwC: Miss Book, how are we supposed to do #2? We don't have any crack pipes!
11th grader: he means test tubes

and so it begins... :)

2009-09-14T21:20:00.002-05:00

Mr. John: Flava Flav! Who gave you permission to be in the hallway?
Flava Flav: God.

at soccer practice...
Flava Flav: Do you have any water? I have asthma on my tongue.

Math Award Winner: How many ounces are in this cup?
me: about 12
MAW: Is that more than 8?
Math Teacher: I'm revoking your math award!

Vocabulary lessons

2009-08-26T18:04:00.002-05:00

We sat down for lunch today during faculty inservice, and Father Fetterman pulled up a chair to the table. (Look up the definition of "grandfather" in the dictionary and you will find his picture.) His (dead serious) question for us:
"Can anyone give me a definition of the word 'skank'?"

Lions. For real.

2009-08-22T16:52:00.004-05:00

Okay, so if you were not aware, I just returned from three weeks in Kenya. Perhaps I shall regale you with stories at a later date. For now I just wanted to replay a comment from earlier today when I saw one of my students (Obsessed with Charmed) at school. We had just talked about my trip to Kenya and had moved on to discussing cell phones. I was showing him my phone where the background is a picture of some lions I saw on safari.

Me: Look at the lions! (It's an impressively closeup picture, so I like to show people).
OwC: Miss Book! Did you go to the zoo?!
Me: No! These are for real!

Speaking of lions, this antimalaria medicine I'm still taking gives me some pretty vivid dreams. Last night I was being chased by a lion. Needless to say, I was wide awake at by 5:15 this morning, after sleeping only four hours :-P

Meet the kids...

2009-07-13T12:41:00.003-05:00

Dedicated readers may remember a similar post from last year... Here's how I introduced it last year:
These are excerpts from an informal writing assignment they had, it was an "About Me" essay and I gave them a bunch of questions that they could answer if they wanted to, or they could just write about themselves without answering the questions (things like: what do you value? what are your goals? what are your talents? etc.) Barring a few small edits, I kept most of the spelling/grammar as it was given. I pulled a comment from each essay, sometimes more than one...so here they are...funny, sweet, heartbreaking and insightful as ever...

So here we go, for this year's new students....

I am Spanish and African American.

In school I have not been good and from now on I plan to turn my life around because I want to go far in life.

My special talents are I can cook do hair and do nails I also babysit a lot to and make money.

I like to scrapbook many memorys. Also, I think that you should know that I like to talk.

I am the fourth oldest in my family. I like music, weather it is singing or play an instrument.

I really don't have a specific plan for the future because nothing is gorenteed but I do plan on being successful.

My family is boring.

My mom is a paralegal, but she is currently unemployed. I don't know much about my dad, though I do know that he lives with my grandmother.

I want to be an architect engineer because my grandfather is and he enjoys it so I might too.

I can't stand when people talk about my height.

One thing that affected me is when my dad died.

I like art, backflips, play games.

I am funny.

I can stand noises but I do have a limit.

I value fairness which most people should.

You should know that I talk a lot and get out of my sit.

I like to have fun I hate boring stuff. If you get it poppin' and you like to have fun we could probaly be cool.

I don't like loud people or dirty shoes.

I am looking forward to meeting new people.

I really don't like when people try to seek attention. It really makes me angry when people do that I think they should just be themselves.

My mom works at a womens shelter and my dad is an Eat 'n Park manager. I think they are both great at what they do. I am a student who is eager to learn...so, thank you for giving me the opportunity to learn something new!

Music is my life.

I do like to work. I like to have something to do. I don't like being bored. I sing and dance in the shower.

I am not looking forward to getting stress on my shoulders.

I'm a very talented girl. For instance, I like to dance, sing, play soccer, play basketball, and solve math problems.

The things that I believe teachers should know about me is I'm a strong, intelligent, bright-minded, arrogant, confident, funny student.

When I grow up I want to be a supreme court judge.

There are many things about me. One thing about me is that I am a ladies man...

My hobbies include dancing, playing games and being the best. I am also a very poetic person. And a charmer.

I cannot stand when people underestimate me and pre-judge me.

I'm a nice person, but I get easily upset or mad.

I can't stand school.

I think that I will like this school because, I will give me a challenge.

I am 14 years old and I am a Muslim.

I have 9 brothers and sisters, including myself.

When I was six I was going to sign up for cheerleading, but my dad said, "They behave inapropriately." That's when I decided on playing tackle football.

Some of my special talents are that I can alter my voice in many different ways.

I can't stand it when people continuously annoy me. Its one of my flaws. Also when I am annoyed it brings out a side of me no one will like.

My life is not that great to the point that every body needs to know about it.

My dad and mom split up when I was a baby. My dad was jail all my life, he has been home almost 2 years.

I am Jamaican/Indian and am proud of where my family comes from. I am a very unique person so most of the things I do or try to do are weird.

I would like to be either a artist or an chef. I love to cook omelets and other breakfast foods.

---------
and...I actually left one girl out b/c I want to post all of what she wrote...but not now. Two posts are enough for one day :)

randomness...

2009-07-13T12:34:00.002-05:00

Some quotes from the last week or two...

"What's the Tropic of Cancer? Is that where you go if you get cancer?"

During a discussion on what matter is...
8th grade boys:
"I think air is matter, but gravity's not."
"Gravity IS air, dummy!"
(looks like we have some misconceptions to clear up... :-p )

"Miss Book, can I get a drink of water?"
"You have five more minutes in this period, you can go when it's over."
"But I'm perched!"

"Isn't there cow skin in chalk? My teacher last year told me it was made of cow skin. How do they do that?"
(As I started to explain that chalk was made of calcium carbonate, I realized that he had misheard "calcium" as "cow skin"!)

We're baaaaaaaaaaaaack!

2009-06-28T16:26:00.002-05:00

Well, after somewhat of a hiatus, I figured I should rejoin the blogging world. Plus, it's summertime...which means a new crop of potential students, and a bunch of new stories :)

We started the summer session off in smashing style... the kids turn in their cell phones and electronics at the beginning of each day so that they will not be tempted to use them in the course of the day (if they do, the item is confiscated until the end of the summer). Five years of summer school and keeping the cell phones in a shoe box or plastic bag has not been a problem. Until last week, when, on Day 2, two nice cell phones (one a brand new enV3) and an iPod Touch disappeared from the box.

Lectures and debates ensued, culminating in, on Day 4, the enV being found. In the boys' restroom. In a toilet. Not in the shoebox placed in the restroom for the purpose of anonymous return. This resulted in all of the boys being called into one classroom, yelled at, then left, Lord of the Flies style, to themselves to figure out who did it or to peer pressure someone into confessing. (Since, if no one confessed, they were all getting kicked out.)

As they were called into another room one by one to have their last chance at confession, we got word from the counselor (the one doing the interviewing), that someone had claimed responsibility. At some point before this, Mr. DeBor had put on his "think like a 13 year old boy" hat and started checking garbage cans...somewhere around garbage can 9 or 10 he found the iPod. Now, the confessor claimed the third item was "in the bushes." So some of us went outside to look. Upon walking around the school building (not ours, one that we use for the summer), we noticed that is was surrounded by bushes. We looked, somewhat half-heartedly, especially since "looking through bushes for a stolen cell phone" isn't exactly part of the job description we'd signed up for...

The kid was eventually able to lead the counselor to the phone, which ended up not even being on school property, but in a neighbor's yard. Monday morning is when we find out of the Head of School will have mercy on him and allow him to return...or let him go.

On a more amusing note, I had a girl this past week refer to her "chiropractor"...while holding up a protrator. :)

---
The boys are having a hard time getting used to wearing ties and shirts that are tucked in. One 8th grader came in to class looking a complete mess with shirt untucked and tie in hand. I told him to pull himself together and then join the class. When I got to him to check his homework, it wasn't done, meaning he had to go home (strict summer rules...). As he got up to leave, I realized his shirt tail was still untucked and that his pants were low around his hips, so I told him to tuck his shirt in.
"It is tucked in!" He explained, "My pants are just low..."

----
At the beginning of the school year, kids always wonder what their teachers will be like. Nice or mean? Lenient or strict? Funny or boring? Sometimes they verbalize these questions in a normal way, i.e., "Are you strict?" And sometimes they just make observations, i.e., "You look like you could just go running around the school screaming at any second!"

Perhaps I look like I'm going insane? Or is that just what teaching does to you?
:)

what color is it?

2009-05-13T08:37:00.002-05:00

Sorry...the last month and a half I have been lazy... :-p

We've been going to the farm up the street once a week to help out with planting and weeding and building, etc. Yesterday was our last day there and we helped them start building a high tunnel greenhouse. I came up a little late with the seniors and some ninth graders so the rest of the kids were already working.
Arriving 9th grader: What are you guys doing?
Working 9th grader: Building a greenhouse.
Drama Queen (to herself): They keep saying that and it's not even green!

I'm putting Ms. Brett on here too, my dear friend and history teacher extraordinaire. The other day I mentioned something about the earth science class.
Ms. Brett: What's earth science? Like bio?
Me: No...it's like...earth science...

Where in the world is...

2009-04-07T12:05:00.004-05:00

text received by a teacher over spring break:
"Ms. P, I'm sorry to bother you, but I have an important question to ask you."

(teacher declines to respond since she is on her honeymoon)

This week at school...
Ms. P: Drama Queen, I got your text while I was gone; what did you want to ask me?
DQ: Well, you know how you always see words in the dictionary that say, like, "derived from Latin"?
Ms P: Yes...
DQ: I just wanted to find out if Latin was a country.

Yep. Important question. Definitely.

money money money...

2009-04-03T12:34:00.003-05:00

student 1: Ms Book, do you have change for a 50? Like two 10s and a 20?
me: Who do you think I am??
student 2: You act like she teaches at a public school or something!

hmmm...

2009-03-13T13:34:00.002-05:00

This is how I know I've been teaching here too long:

1. I can't eat the pizza without hot sauce on it. Like, literally took a piece and wasn't going to eat it if I couldn't find the hot sauce.

2. The following words came out of my mouth the other day when I saw a kid eating in the computer lab, "Grandpa Voice Boy! I'm 'bout to splow you!"

One point of view...

2009-03-13T09:17:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure who said this but I just found a scrap of paper that I wrote it down on (I have a horrible memory so I scribble quotes down when kids say them and then just have to remember to post them...). I think it was a junior or a senior, and I totally forget the context...

"This school makes teachers want to go home and cut themselves."

HA! only sometimes...

:)

countries and kidneys

2009-03-12T12:08:00.003-05:00

Student handing in completed physics test: "I'm finished. Like the stuff you put on wood."

Ms Brett: Name 10 countries in South America.
Eternal 8th Grader: Pride Rock!

Pregnant Development Staff Woman: putting on makeup in the bathroom
10th grade girl (walks into bathroom): "What are you trying to look nice for? You already have a husband AND you're pregnant!"

I walked in on a counseling presentation today that was taking place in my classroom. A woman was giving a presentation to the 10th grade girls about being an organ donor. (I think I've mentioned before about the tiny, spunky, adorable 8th grade girl we have who is waiting on a kidney transplant?) The woman was explaining that organs can be taken from people who have died, or sometimes they can take them from living donors. Upon realizing that it was possible to donate a kidney and still live, one of the girls immediately volunteered to donate hers to the 8th grader! Obviously she doesn't realize all that's involved, but I just thought it was sweet of her to volunteer to give to someone else so readily...

Back in the day...

2009-03-10T07:58:00.002-05:00

The batteries and lightbulbs have made yet another appearance in 8th grade science. One of the boys was making his blink on and off and then asked:
"Is this how they used to send text messages?"

hehehe :)

On sickness and silliness...

2009-03-04T10:24:00.002-05:00

I've been sick for the past week...some kind of cold/flu thing that is FINALLY going away. But it's made my voice sound a little like a frog...and these are some of the things I've been told in the past week:

1) "Ms Book, you sound like a tranny!"
2) that I sound like some old actress whom I've never heard of
3) that I need to start a sex hotline

And my voice also prompted the following interaction:
Obsessed with Charmed (did i rename him??): Miss Book, what happened to you?!?
Me: I'm turning into a man.
OwC: Oh. Good luck!

And today's review session with the 8th grade was quite interesting. I Didn't Kiss Her Boy insists on asking crazy questions until I cut him off (I finally made him stop when he started arguing with me about why we don't just ship all of our garbage to the moon/outer space). What follows are some of the questions I asked, and their answers:

Why should we use less water?
We shouldn't! We should use more, because there's too much water in the ocean and that's why we have so many hurricanes and tsunamis!

What's our recent crisis in the US? (I was hinting towards the economy)
Diapers! There are too many disposable diapers!

Who is the one who actually made your shirt? (trying to get them to see how what they buy affects people in other countries)
Hitler!

This one was a written response I received on a reflection essay:
"If we do use foccail [fossil] fuels we will chew up the equator."

Okay, so when the sulfur oxide gases get into the clouds, what do they make?
Money!
(the correct answer is acid rain, in case you were wondering :) )

Apparently I prayed for patience...and God sent me this group of 8th graders to give me some practice...

apparently i saved this instead of posting it on the 18th...

2009-02-18T13:13:00.002-05:00

Drama Queen: Cars move and get hot, how come they don't sweat?
Student: They do sweat.
Drama Queen: They do???

I walked in on the juniors' Reading and Writing class today while they were talking about the Oscars and who Heath Ledger was and what other movies he was in since one girl didn't know who he was. Obviously (I think?) we were also talking about the fact that he is now dead.
Student: He's dead as in...he's deceased?
Me: No, he's dead as in he's alive.
Student: I think Miss Book just called me stupid!

Easy ways to impress 8th grade students...

2009-02-06T08:52:00.002-05:00

Forget the fact that I can sing the states and the books of the Bible... today it had to do with my typing skills. They were all testing, so it was quiet in the room, making my typing at the computer seem super loud.

I was updating their class website with what I had just written on the board (which is behind my desk). So I had my head turned to look at the board while I typed. The fast typing was the first thing they noticed...then they realized that I wasn't even looking at the computer! They didn't believe me when I told them what I was doing, so I told them to come and watch. Apparently I am a freak show :) Haha...

"You're just like that Mavis Beacon lady!"

So I looked at them while I typed,
"That's because I AM Mavis Beacon."

Then I made them finish their tests :)

Why I shouldn't wake up to NPR in the morning...

2009-02-05T09:59:00.003-05:00

a) I dream about being in Israel/Iraq/Gaza/etc and running because bombs are falling.

b) I dream about being on a school bus with someone who is showing me a snake skeleton that is on the floor and extends the whole length of the bus, then I see this headline on Yahoo! when I get to school this morning:
"Stunned scientists find the fossilized remains of a record-busting snake as long as a bus."

And suddenly it all becomes clear... :-P

Where in the world is...

2009-02-03T13:41:00.002-05:00

Ms. Brett: If you could live anywhere in the country, where would it be?

Cursed Boy: Spain.

Another from the lovely Ms. Brett...she had written "Sierra Leone" on the board during a discussion with the seniors about conflict diamonds. It was at this point that the Academic Team Leader/math teacher walked in, looked at the board, and asked:
"Who's Sierra Leone?"

This was my favorite response on a midyear exam question (the question asked them to explain to their Grandmother why it was important to wear seat belts...referencing Newton's Laws of course...) Here's part of one, verbatim:
"For example if your on the highway moving at 65 m/h and crash into the car in front of you; you alone with everything inside of you would be fling forward at 65 m/h. With you body moving at this speed you would go through the window. And God knows your body is not ready for you to go through a window. The headrest is when you wear your seatbelt it stops your head from fling giving yourself whip blast or just breaking your own neck."

Obviously...

2009-01-20T15:44:00.002-05:00

Rev (to me): Your work is bearing fruit.
Drama Queen (also to me): What kind of fruit did you bore??

me (trying to explain why running cars on electricity still produces pollution): Where does the electricity come from?
student: power plants?
me: what kind of power plants?
Drama Queen: electric ones... (said in the same tone of voice one would use to say "duh...")

Baa!

2009-01-14T15:50:00.002-05:00

One of the best responses on a test so far... (Background: the definition I give them for "malleable" is "ability of a substance to be hammered into sheets." Example: aluminum foil.)

"Metals are mallable [sic] because they can be made into sheeps."

HAHA!
:)

Well, I mean, I guess if you were going to make an idol in the form of a sheep it might be easier to use a malleable substance...for some reason I just keep picturing Moses and the golden calf...

On Saviors and Semester Exams...

2009-01-14T14:17:00.002-05:00

Ahh! It's been over a month! Yikes...I guess those two weeks off really took their toll on my ability to blog :-p There are some things I've been meaning to write though.

I'm giving the chemistry semester exam right now. Here's what one of the girls just asked me:
"Miss Book. I have a serious question. If I take, like, a half hour nap right now, will I still have time to finish this?"

This is made even more amusing by the fact that she's definitely one of the top students in the school... :)

Giving semester exams can be painful. Especially with the 8th graders who were honestly at my desk every other minute with a new question. Most of their questions were about stuff they should know. "What's the difference between atomic mass and atomic number?"
"I can't tell you! that's the test question!"
"You didn't teach us about viscosity."
"Yes I did, I can even show you where you wrote it down in your notes!"

or, my favorite:
Miss Book, do you want us to circle the answer for the multiple choice or write it on the line?
Well, is there a line given?
Yes.
Then what do you think you should do with it?

And an older story I've been meaning to share. Before Christmas Break we took groups of students to various places for a volunteer day. Two other teachers and I took a group of kids to a nearby retirement home where we made holiday cards for the residents and visited. The two other teachers I was with happen to be Jewish, which always makes for interesting holiday conversations...
Student: So Miss Brett, is Jewish a race or a religion?
Brett: It's a religion.
Student: What's the main belief?
Brett: The main thing that's different is that we don't believe that Jesus is our Savior. We don't believe that our Savior has come yet.
Student: Well when he does, can I meet him??!?

Math Sucks!

2008-12-10T15:52:00.002-05:00

Does anyone know that song by Jimmy Buffet? (the title of the post)

I was observing a 10th grade geometry class today and I was sitting next to one of my old 8th graders..."Obsessed with Charmed". The teacher gave them the homework at the end of a lesson on perfect squares and square roots and as the bell rang he replied with,

"I'm going to pass away and come back and STILL hate this!"

A Lesson in Punctuation

2008-12-08T19:13:00.003-05:00

Today when we were taking notes in chemistry--

Obsessed with Buses*: Ms Book, why is there a question mark after that sentence?
Model Student: Because it's a QUESTION!

*This kid is amazing...he is completely obsessed with the bus system. His classmates were quizzing him the other day...he can tell you what bus to get on to go anywhere--and he could even tell you where to catch it!

And the other day in physics class--
Mr. Gas-Ex: Ms Book, you have a beautiful smile. I don't know if I ever told you that.
Me: Thank you.
Mr. G-E: Why don't you teach me to smile like that?
Male Student: You have to buy the book at Barnes and Noble--How to Be Miss Book for Dummies.

Not hilarious, but amusing nonetheless...:)

adding to the list...

2008-12-02T20:42:00.003-05:00

Ms Brett recently shared with me her association of some of the 8th graders with cartoon characters. This quote come from one we'll call Teletubby, labeled as such mostly because of the way her ADD manifests itself...as continual talking and whining, as well as her tendency to roll on the floor moaning and crying if she gets written up for missing homework (behavior that I have, thus far, only heard tell of...)

This also adds another to the list of people my students tell me I look like (unless I've already mentioned this one, if so, I apologize.)

Teletubby Girl (to classmates): Doesn't Miss Book look like Anne Frank? I swear she does.
Me: Really? I don't think so.
Other students: Yeah! She does! [Holding up book with picture of Anne Frank on it.] Miss Book, do you even know who Anne Frank is?
Me: Of course! (Meaning I had to give a quick summary of her life story to prove it)
Teletubby Girl (to class): She looks like Anne Frank. She thinks I'm just saying that because she's white, but I'm not. [pause] ...Miss Book's not white to me...

Honestly, I AM half Eastern European, so maybe they're onto something with the Anne Frank thing...:-p

en espanol

2008-12-01T18:24:00.000-05:00

I just saw this written on the Spanish teacher's whiteboard...apparently a quote from her class with the seniors today:

Maestra: What tense is it in?
Mr Gas Ex: SPANISH!

to-may-to, to-mah-to....

2008-11-24T18:17:00.002-05:00

A couple of the juniors are currently standing in front of my desk/by the periodic table in order to record their commercial for the element platinum. One of them was holding up colored signs that have words like "shiny!" "hip!" "new!" "now!" "wow!" The thing is...I just looked up and saw that their first sign said "SHINNY!"

Me: is that supposed to say "shiny"? It spells "shinny"...
Girl with a Curl*: What? No, it says "shiny."
Me: No, shiny has one n, that says "shinny."
Girl: No, you spell shinny "S-H-I-T-T-Y"
Me: HAH! I said "shiNNY"!

Oh miscommunications...apparently my pronunciation sounded different to her...:)

*Do you know the rhyme?
"There was a little girl
who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead
and when she was good
she was very very good
but when she was bad
she was horrid!"
That pretty much describes her :)

Rodents, illegal immigrants and the mysteries of the universe...

2008-11-24T09:11:00.004-05:00

I seriously can't figure out where November went. Yesterday I checked the calendar to see what my weekly chore assignment was...and I looked at the week of the 3rd...then realized it was the 23rd! Sheesh.

Here are a couple of good quotes from my classes last week--
"I Didn't Kiss Her" Boy: What's that on your head?
Dramatic Poop Girl: It's called a bang! What's that rodent on your upper lip?

Student 1: IDKH Boy, what are you? Are you Puerto Rican?
IDKH Boy: Yes.
DP Girl: IDKH Boy! Are you an illegal immigrant?!?!
IDKH Boy: No. Are you a slave?

And in physics we were talking about gravitational interactions between large masses....like the Earth, Moon and Sun.
Drama Queen: Wait... the moon and the sun aren't the same thing?
All of her classmates: What? Are you serious?
DQ: I always thought, like, the sun went down and then, like, part of it came back up as the moon...
Classmates: How did you make it to 12th grade???

Are you a member?

2008-11-18T15:42:00.003-05:00

"I Didn't Kiss Her!" Boy (completely serious, as we are getting ready to start class): Miss Book, I joined this organization. It's called "Al Qaeda."
DP Girl: I have a friend named Al Qaeda.
Me: You have a friend named Al Qaeda?
DP Girl: I think so. He's Spanish. And he looks good...

I'm really curious as to what his name actually is...:)

Laws and Love Pills

2008-11-06T16:10:00.002-05:00

Ah! Where did the weeks go??? I keep writing things down and then forgetting to post them...now I need to find them all...

Here are a few from physics this past week:

After I had just finished writing a relatively long definition of Newton's Second Law on the board...
Mr. Gas-Ex: That whole thing is his law?? Whatever happened to 'thou shall not kill'?

And today, in response to a question about shooting stars and why pieces of dust/rock burn up when they enter the Earth's atmosphere, from one of the boys. I swear he was talking more to himself than to anyone else...:
"Because it's hot on earth and the earth is full of hot people, like Halle Berry..."

Oh! And today Flava Flav came up to me, held up his container of Sucrets and asked if I wanted any "love pills"! Hah!

the 8th grade girls entertain yet again...

2008-10-20T09:17:00.002-05:00

The other day we were talking about how atoms are the building blocks of matter, and we were comparing them to bricks...

me: What do we use bricks to make?
DP girl: Crack!

Ignoring her, I asked the question again...
DP girl: I live in the projects; we don't have bricks...

Oh geez :-p

Friday was a special day considering that I somehow managed to sleep through my alarm...a LOT...as in I woke up 6 minutes AFTER I was supposed to have been teaching first period. That is not a good way to start your day. I managed to get to class within 10 minutes after throwing on some clothes and pulling back my hair. My appearance didn't pass muster in the 8th grade girls' class however...

"Oh my gosh, Miss Book, you look so...PLAIN!"
"Your hair's in a ponytail!"
"Did you even put any makeup on?"
"You don't even have any earrings!"
"AND you're wearing Mr. McNutt shoes!" (he's the art teacher)
"Miss Book, here, please [digs in her purse], put these on!! [hands me gold hoop earrings]"
"Take your hair down...yeah, that looks much better."

I personally thought it was hilarious, especially considering that I pretty much didn't blow dry my hair OR wear makeup all summer when I taught them for five weeks :-P

Boys and babies

2008-10-18T07:55:00.003-05:00

So the other day I only had six out of 11 eighth grade girls in class and no boys because of an incident that had occurred during evening study the night before that involved a bunch of them in the computer lab and a flying bottle of lotion...and that's really all of the story that I know. Anyway, the girls who were still in class were working on something at their desks while I was semi-distracted by something at mine.

Dramatic Poop Girl: I hate being on my period! I wish I was a boy! Miss Book, why don't boys have periods?
Me (barely looking up): Boys can't have babies.
Dramatic Poop Girl: Well I can't have a baby either! [which made me actually look at her] My mother would kill me!

Do you like Spanish?

2008-10-14T07:57:00.002-05:00

One of the 8th grade boys was complaining this morning that he didn't want to take Spanish (does he realize that he doesn't have to take it until 10th grade? I don't know...)

Eternal 8th Grader: You don't deserve to live if you don't like Spanish!

HA.
:)

new words...

2008-10-08T13:22:00.001-05:00

"Miss Book, isn't 'seentchu' a word?"

"Seentchu?"

"You know, like instead of saying 'I saw you yesterday' you say 'I seentchu?' "

Baffled

2008-10-07T21:02:00.002-05:00

How do I do laundry and end up with five white athletic socks, none of which match any of the others?????

Inappropriateness

2008-10-07T18:57:00.003-05:00

Oh man, the 8th grade girls...defy all reason...today was an especially special day since Horse Tranquilizer Girl ate three, yes, THREE, ice cream sandwiches for breakfast. I know this because I was there as she announced that she was finishing the third one... Science class with her was like trying to keep one of those super bouncy balls under control in a small concrete room. I am honestly not sure how much learning happened...

More about her in a minute. Right now I'm going to tell you about Dramatic Poop Girl. Those two adjectives are not quite related, but both describe her and will help you remember her. She is actually quite bright and participatory in class; it's just that sometimes she can be a little much... Like the day she asked to go see the counselor/"nurse", Ms. Debbie.
(clutching her abdomen) "Miss Book, can I go see Ms. Debbie? I can't live anymore!"

Hence the drama.

The best, though, was yesterday.
Dramatic Poop Girl: Miss Book, what color is your poop?
As I'm trying to decide which fantastic color/pattern to reply with (purple with polka dots was first in line), another student decided to join the conversation,

"Yeah, I always be thinkin' that white people's poop must be like...orange...or clear..."

Well once I realized that they actually wanted to know, I skipped the lies and assured them that my poop looked just like theirs. I like to consider this one of those "teachable moments" you hear all about in education classes... :)

And, as promised, HT Girl makes an appearance...the following text messages were exchanged between myself and Ms. Brett as she was giving the girls a history test, and I was getting onto the cross country bus, having just run into HT Girl.

me: "Things you don't want to hear HT Girl say: 'Look Miss Book! I got a hole in my cooch!'"

Ms. B: "Hahahaha! Things you don't want to have to say to DP Girl: do not take your pants off in this classroom!"

Speaking of which, I know the words "HT Girl! Clothe yourself!" have left my lips at least once this week during class...

Quote of the year

2008-10-07T18:51:00.002-05:00

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this quote is going to stick in the collective consciousness of the school for quite awhile... which is probably good because maybe some of them will take it to heart.

"If you eat a Hot Pocket, you are going to ACT like a Hot Pocket!"

-Mr. B., said with great passion and conviction to a lunchroom full of rowdy teenagers

Beef burritos and illegal immigrants...

2008-10-03T07:47:00.002-05:00

Today I asked "I Didn't Kiss Her!" Boy for his homework. His response?
"Can I give you an 89 cent double cheese beef burrito instead?"

HAH.

Oh, and everyone's favorite, FS, was in my room the other day trying to push up his shirt sleeves and having difficulty since he had managed to get them pushed up to his bicep without unbuttoning them...
"Miss Book! Help me! Unbutton this, my arm is all constracted."
me (helping him): "Constracted?"
FS: "Contracted. I'm having a contraction... Oh wait! That's for babies..."

A couple of weeks ago some of us went out to this international festival to see some of the kids perform their African dance and drumming. There were a lot of other performers, so we sat with the kids and watched some traditional dances from other countries, including some Indian dancers. I was sitting next to the history/social studies teacher and, to their credit, the kids were trying to make a connection to what they were learning in her class... "Miss Brett! Are they illegal immigrants???"

Ms Brett's class is also apparently primetime for good quotes from 8th graders.
"I Didn't Kiss Her!" Boy: That's racist!
Lifelong 8th grader: Yeah, why is paper white?! And why are there whiteboards and not blackboards?! Oh wait...there are...

8th grade girl: Is that the bungee clause thingy?
Ms Brett: You mean the elastic clause?

:)